Cycling NZ26 - Day 27 - Jack Douglas Shoes

Let me tell you that there is NOTHING, NOTHING better than a hot shower after a hot sweaty sunny day riding a tour bike. 

Especially here in New Zealand. The water pressure is off the scale. I mean if you’ve ever been in a cheapo bed and breakfast in the UK with their little 4.5kw shower which when you give it the beans with the hot switch produces a trickle out of its shower head?  It runs like an old man with a prostrate problem. And you’re in a 2ft square mouldy jelly mould in a cold damp room going by how the walls and manky curtain stick to your cold body. As hard as you try you’re never gonna get the soap out of your - well everywhere!. 

Nah here in this country every damn place is plugged into some ultra high pressure source. By God do you need to be careful with the taps save evicerating yourselves. But the showers!  Oh boy oh boy oh boy!  Once you’ve finished twiddling with her buttons she gives you a tingly sensation all over better than having sex.   In fact lounging around eating high sugar food gives me a tingly sensation all over better than having sex!

Whilst talking about washing duds…. Well, this country is absolutely loaded with laundrettes. They’re everywhere. Loads of self service places throughout this country. Chatting to a few folk in them well it just seems to still be part of life here. So reminds me of the days as a kid with a laundrette in the shops at the end of the street. 

There is something a bit like time travelling on the aircraft as you fly into this country. Leave 2026 behind and step off the plane here right back into the 1970’s. 

Truly. I’m like a kid again here. Cheap sweets. Chippies that serve meagre fish portions just as they did back home in the day. Staying in bed and breakfasts here that are just like the ones we occasionally stayed in as kids. No central heating. Thick woollen blankets. Shared toilets off of the hallway.  En suite with TVs in rooms?  Yer having a laugh mate. TV with perhaps 3 channels. In some places only the one. 

But I think that is what makes it special. It’s like going back to a time when the world was not 1000 channels of crap programming. When places where one shops are not overloaded with take aways. Quiet roads. No motorways to take note of really. And it’s just loaded with folk who are just really really bloody nice. 

Today for example I’d probably done 15 miles hugging the glorious Pacific coast. I knew that the big hill climb was just around the corner so I stopped in a rough lay-by to eat breakfast number 2. One other vehicle was there with me. A camper van. Whilst walking from the waters edge back to my bike this bloke got out of the van and started walking towards me. Bare foot of course. And says just wondering if you might like to have a coffee with us. 

Of course, so kind Sir. And into the camper I went. 

A Pacific beach photo from today…

What a lovely couple. Again I’d be guessing names even though we had introduced ourselves. But what I remember is that he was a police officer for 20 years then his later life was as a farmer. Both now retired. Live in a town south of Christchurch which has grown massively since the February 2011 earthquake. Taken to the countryside in their camper van just bloody enjoying all that New Zealand has to offer before winter sets in.  

Just to show though - that 3 day storm really left its mark on the mountaintops - look at this photo. So like Austria here. Autumn now. Winter arrives quickly by the looks. 

I thought they said that they were ex Christians which would have been a very interesting conversation. But no, there’s too much wax in my head. Definitely Christian folk. Worshippers. We chatted about life including why I ride my bike. Fascinated that there are idiots, sorry folk, like me that do such stuff. They could not comprehend cycling up the hill in front of us. I must be mad!  

Of course I talk about me and funnily enough my BLOG and how it gives me a route to express myself. So I tell them about the characters in my blog. Hairy Melon. Yep they kinda got that. Balloon Dog. er no… you know I say, every man has got one..  er… you know, lives next door to Hairy Melon. Er… and then you saw their eyes widen and the smiles appear on their faces.There ya go.  You don’t have to be crude Wayne to make folk smile. 

I tell them of a story on a day when I first rode Lands End to John o Groats in 2017.  That was the year Balloon Dog was born. I’m straining on a particularly tough hill climb in Cornwall when the mobile rings. It’s Kathryns mum Pat. A Christian Lady at the time somewhere in her 80’s I think with a proper posh english accent. Hello Pat. Whassup I manage to squeeze out between the lungfuls of breath.  Hello Wayne. I’ve been reading your BLOG. Can you tell me… what’s a Balloon Dog?

I almost died on that climb that day. I could not breathe for laughing!  Oh. My. God!  How do I explain. Its Pat!  Somehow and with gentle grace I think I did. Such memories make for a beautiful life 😁🙏

Anyway time was pressing. If they see me on the route again for sure a coffee will be waiting. A shake of his hand and a big smiley hug from his wife was a perfect way to say ciao for now. 

So we’re kinda talking about the 70’s here aren’t we.  So why Jack Douglas?  

Do any of you remember him from the Carry On films?  Here’s the man…

I have two pair of footwear with me. My cycling MTB shoes which I bought just a few weeks before departing and have been excellent. No numb feet at any time. So more comfortable than trainers alone. Plus a pair of neoprene sandals which I wear when not cycling. 

Well I don’t know what’s happening. There I was walking along in front of a few folk and all of a sudden I had the feeling that my foot was on something slippy. WHOA HEY HEY! is the noise I made as I flung my arms in the air just before apologising to the folk behind that I’d stepped on something slippy. I look down and there’s nothing there 🤔. 

I continue walking and again I have that slippy feeling. EYOW WOW WOW! I proclaim as I twist my hips to the side, pick my flat cap up, look around and good nobody is there. I look back and the pavement is clean. 

I get back to the Main Street and EEW OOH OOH GERROF! comes out of my gob as I twirl around and end up facing the people following me. I apologise profusely and quickly walk into a shop. A ladies lingerie shop and after another WHEY HEY! I’m quickly back in the street. 

Theres nothing there!  What the hell!  They’re neoprene lined sandals so good for the wet stuff but it’s like someone had replaced the neoprene with banana skins. 

These feckers are OOH ARR ARR AYE UP!, … scuse me, going in the bin when I get home!

Ciao for now!