Fat Bloke on a Bike

That's strictly not quite right.  Forrest Gump - whilst waiting on the bench to catch the bus - in fact spoke about how his mum said that "life was like a box of chocolates".  I agree.  Although I don't want to get into the past participle phase of my life just yet.   On reflection looking back at my life, well for sure I could never have predicted what I got.  Not enough soft centres.  Too many nuts!  Who would have thought that I would get to this stage of life as a bachelor with enough nutty experiences behind me to put me off chocolate for life; to be retired and happily spending time riding my bike?  Writing about it and doing the other things in life that aren't work shaped nor flavoured.  Which I never knew I would cos for sure I don't have a crystal ball.  Just keep going old man.  You don't know what's just around the corner.   The carpet fitter was a no-show so that left me with an afternoon to fill.  I'm sat on...

Infamy!  Infamy!  They've all got it infamy!  These are the immortal words uttered by Vladimir Putin during his non war proclamation to all his fellow countrymen (and women) at his 'come to the football stadium comrade and have a free day off work else you will be shot as a traitor' holiday event in Moscow today.  So everybody did.   Here, look at this.  I've found the most recent TV News broadcast of NATO, the EU, the UN and everybody including the PFJ declaring their full support to president Zelensky as he and the Ukrainian people are crucified by Vlad the Impaler (who we see entering the scene right at the end).  It's how it seems to be to me..... How about this one of Sir Keir Starmer in Parliament at Wednesday's PMQ's getting really really annoyed with, er, something...  I love Monthy Python's Life of Brian.  Pure gem...! Today is the Ides of March - the 74th day of the year - an important day in the old Roman calendar.    Put...

...any new music that is produced today.   Wouldn't It Be Good - Nick Kershaw Ahhh, to be in my 20's again... Nuff said.. Ciao

I scoot through a wooded section at the base of the Yorkshire Wolds with the wind in my willows and the stroboscopic sun in my eyes.  My attention is drawn down to the new growth that is emergent in the most protected corners of the land.  I awake from my deep thoughts of the coming summer days; that cycling whilst asleep moment, and suddenly notice that there's a deep rumble with a low creaking and cracking all around me.  Almost imperceptibly the earth stirs beneath my wheels as they cut through the chocolate sponge cake mix of mud and seeds that's about to be gently placed into a springtime oven.   An important event is about to unfold before our very eyes.  It's the sound and smell of the land, as though watching a giant turning in a half wakeful moment from a great sleep.  Thrusting his strong fingertips up through the heavy black blanket of last autumns canopy of life which has lain across his back keeping him protected whilst the sun and earth danced...

I'm out again on the bike trying to build the miles in preparation for the John O Groats to Lands End cycle ride in June.  It was bright and sunny with a fresh wind from the north-west.  My ride out took me north west into the wind up to and across Aldwark bridge before turning west with the wind still mostly in my face to get to the other side of the very bike unfriendly A59; then turning south near Tockwith with the wind to my back.  About 30 miles or so.  The first 20 miles were generally into a headwind and it was hard work.  Why did you go that way you fool?  Why are you unnecessarily dragging your lar jarse across the windy Yorkshire veldt? Well the magnetic trainer has for sure given my legs additional strength but sadly cannot prepare them for long rides especially into the wind.   A ride out is bad enough with my 20 stone or so wide bodied carcass atop a 5 bar gate with tractor tyres especially when riding up short gnarly hills.  But then...

Good morning peeps. This is my recollection of a conversation I had the other day with my bestest mate and side kick - Tonto. There we were sat on our horses chatting about bum jokes and other numb things along with the plan to ride from John O Groats to Lands End later this year. ‘Umm, Kemosabe, you have heap big problem.’ ‘Ah! Well, yes Tonto, apparently so... but the doctor tells me it's nothing to worry about…’ ‘Tonto hear sound of medicine drums’ ‘No, really, do not worry my faithful Indian tour guide. My panniers are full of bum cream.... and applicators. I have plenty. Thank you my friend.' [I dig my heels into the side of Silver who with a start neighs loudly and launches up into the air] 'HI-HO SILVER!!!’ ‘Uh! Kemosabe have pain.’ ‘Oooh, well now that you mention it, yes just a little…’ ‘Kemosabe like squaw who squark like angry bird. Cry too much. Cry too loud. Make headache.’ ‘What? Well, er, yes, perhaps. It’s just that I’m a little saddle sore my frie...