Fat Bloke on a Bike

It's March so there aren't many days like this at the moment.  Sunny, cool but not cold, with light winds.  When one does appear I'm normally out of the house on two wheels.  This morning was a 40 mile run on the motorbike for beans on toast at Seaways cafe.  That was prep work (my excuse and a damn good one for a ride out on the motorbike) as I was contemplating another cycle ride in the afternoon and figured I'd stuff a few carbs down my neck first. The difference between the two bikes is approx 170 BHP.  The BMW K1200S has absolutely no problem pushing this particular fat man to the top of any hill.  The Koga however relies on what God gave me.  A pair of legs that today, after the run to Pickering on Saturday, were making 'no dad' noises.  You know how it is when taking a snotty wet limp thing to some [for it] abhorrent destination.  A "c'mon ma boy!" triggering a loud "No dad, nooo, dad, no dad, daddy, no daaaad!" and other whines ...

Since my early 30's and for the last 25 years I've been a desk jockey.  Look at the state of me as a result.  Here are some pictures ( I threatened them before ...) Lower legs - note the adema related to poor circulation and the effect of type 2 diabetes (skin discolouration) below my calves.  It's taking an age to recover. These are the scary photos... Tummy and chest front on.  Fat.  Huge round podge.  Fat under the arms.  Shocking to see me like this in a photo.  I don't know why but the lying toad of a bedroom mirror does not tell me the same story. Tummy side on - oh dear a view one never really wants to see.  Back braking!  No surprise that I have spine and joint pains too.  I'm a one sided cantilever bridge and the support cables down my back are under excessive strain. 25 yers or so ago (before I became a desk jockey) I was a hard playing fit and strong amateur American Footballer looking absolutely ...

I've not done a lot except bemoan how crap it is cycling into a headwind.  My ride out to Aldwark Bridge felt mostly headlong into a steady breeze.  This movement of the atmosphere was enough to make my tired legs feel like they were pedalling my bar gate through an invisible wall of jelly. How dare I complain.  I've forgotten the simple fact that I can still experience this.  There are many people who no longer can.  And a good few more who have it significantly worse when they respond to those in distress at sea; launching into wild crazy spray and salt encrusted gale and driving ice cold rain. I'm facing LEJOG in 50 days time.  Even though I have planned to ride south west to north east to follow the prevailing wind I'm whining about it.  When the going gets a little tougher, and it will, I need to just stop moaning and get on with it. The music in the attached video of my ride today is by Thomas Dalby.  The song is 'The Flat Earth'. ...

Ok so I'm on another training run.  This time from York to Scarborough.  Thats about 45 miles and 1000ft of ascent depending on which map application you believe. It was again another bright day with a forecast fresh Southerly / South Easterly wind.  The trouble is that cycling is never ridden in straight lines.  The route across the Yorkshire Wolds, whilst generally North Easterly, was more akin to a fly flitting around a living room light.  The wind, which also freshened as forecast, was occasionally head on with me pushing harder into the pedals and a couple of gears down.  I was slow. The temperature was dropping too.  My mate the Sun tried to keep the chill off as long as possible but with silvery skies developing I kinda knew that the last 15 miles were going to be chilly.  The RAF tried to keep me distracted as they invisibly played war games somewhere high in the stratosphere.  However, my feet, tangentially at the bottom of it, c...

Perhaps you have had similar thoughts in the past.  Many things swirl through one's mind every day.  From what to buy from the shop in the next 15 minutes, to remembering that you have missed someones birthday - again - all the way up to those aspirational thoughts of things normally prefixed with the words 'wouldn't it be great if...'.  I have too many of these for my own comfort at times but recurring bike ride ideas rather than the 'wouldn't it be great if I owned a yacht and sailed around the world' were something a little more achievable perhaps. Simply I am a cyclist.  Not avid mad in that I must go out on the bike every day.  But where the bike is an alternative to walking or running or taking the bus (like today) then a bike it is simply because it is quicker than the others.  Also because I enjoy it.   As I've noted before, 40 to 50 mile runs on my bike as a young man were often part of my summer routine.  And of late riding a bike in E...

Friday last week was a lovely day.  Sunny with light winds.  Cool enough though to prevent Eskimos from sunbathing but still I'm brave enough to wear shorts.  A fleece and windproof jacket keeps the flabby bits in place and toasty so all is good. Today's cycle route was not meant to include a climb up Garrowby hill.  It's not the biggest mountain in North Yorkshire but still notorious for caravaners.  And for me when I was nothing more than a long haired and skinny 11 year old (yep once upon a time...) my father tried to drive up it in a wonky Hillman Imp loaded with mum, kids, baggage, inflatables, spades and buckets and a cart full of shopping sticking out of every orifice for the summer trip to the coast.  With the Imp boiling just past half way and juddering to a halt we had to sit it out until my dad sorted another car from his bestest mechanicy mate, Terry.  The AA / RAC were way out of our league in those days. Its the one time in my life I ...

Well that does not include smelling like one (oh god what do people feed to old dogs?) nor do I have the bad habit of pushing my nose into the crotch of strangers.  Well not yet. But the image of an old dog came to mind today.  Stood in my birthday suit in front of a long mirror I looked like an upended picture of a sprawled out old fat dog.  Without the fur and the ability to lick my own bits.  Its clear to me why dating at this age of life tends to involve visually impaired people with no sense of smell. Here are the starting numbers Age -  55 and a half Height - 5 foot 11.5 inches Chest - 51 inches Waist - ahem - 47 inches (no I did not suck it in!) Thighs - 26 inches round Calves - 17 inches round Weight - groan - 19 stone 7 pounds BMI - says fat bastard... Bike says - one person at a time please... Pictures might follow OK this is the starting measurements.  It is quite an embarrassment writing them down.  I wonder what 1200 mile...

Something felt good today. For the last few weeks the snow and ice has kept me and the bike indoors.  My only option has been to do an hour or so on my bike strapped to a magnetic resistance trainer.  Put the music on and follow the beats per minute to get the legs spinning whilst adjusting the resistance to keep me glowing like a one bar electric fire.  It's a bit boring but I know I need to condition my legs ready for LEJOG in May. It had been a few weeks since I last took the bike out on the road.  That time it felt terrible.  With "keep on pushing" spinning in my head I completed 35 miles or so out from York via Selby and back home.  Oh dear, my legs were feeling strained.  There's just 2 months to go. Anyway, the snow and ice has all gone today.  The roads are dry and white with salt and so ripe for the next bike ride out.   Shorts kind of weather but plenty of fleecy bits to keep warm. Off I went along the York to Selby cycle pa...

Ok so the boring video's will now start.  Here's one from last year, me and Kathryn riding along the Danube after a pretty bad storm doing approx 200 miles in 5 days from Regensberg in Germany to Linz in Austria. If I can do this then so can you Baby! Enjoy the ride :-)

Lands end to John O'Groats on a bike it is then.  LEJOG.  On a bike.  Not one of them new fangled e-bikes which carry copious amounts of electrons in lithium buckets strapped to an electric motor.   No, a proper bike. It's now 5 years since I bought my Koga touring bike.  Costing over 3 grand, it was as traumatic as donating a kidney or having an arm chopped off.  I did not pay for a super light super bike with skinny tires.  No I had seen that Koga bikes had been used by Mark Baumont for his round the world cycling challenges and because, when I looked into it, they resembled svelte versions of 5 bar gates with tractor tyres built for middle aged touring.  I.e. strong.  It was the right bike for me and likely to transport me, a rather overweight middle aged man, on jaunts and forays around the UK and any other place I had a mind to go. In the same timescale I had been planning / preparing financial options in case I had the opportunity ...