Fat Bloke on a Bike

You are invited to join me and London Alan on our ride around the Assynt Coast between Ullapool and Unapool. There are few places as beautiful and as memorable as this in the UK.  I suspect that there is no place better.  So for this video I've decided to make it a long running dreamscape of a ride because, simply, that's what it was. It's a long running video but may I suggest you make some time to watch it.  If this does not do one of two things - that is relax you or make you want to visit this part of Scotland yourself then I do not know what will.  It's far better than any ride out you might do on a sunny day anywhere else in the UK.  The only difference is you're admiring the scenery through a laptop / TV screen and not your car windscreen. But note.  There is a 13 minute raw unedited section just past half way which is of me and London Alan working our way up a 25% gradient.  There is a warning before this section in the video. All I can...

The Sun always follows the rain... After the thorough drenching in the leg up to Gairloch which I thought could have brought an end to the whole shebang, this leg (and the one to follow) was spectacular.  Still hard work though.  These are some of the 'best bits' with plenty of good weather which cheered both of us up no end... For sure I've enjoyed putting this montage together courtesy of Mr Floyd and some stunning video clips.  A little less conversation and a little more action in this one.  I think you will enjoy it :-) Ciao for now.. Wayne (the happy fat bloke on his 5 bar gate...)

Here we go.  The first real rain on the North Coast 500. So bad that I could only catch bits of video between Applecross and The Bothy between Shieldag and Torridon.  The section into Gairloch was particularly bad and hard going and impossible to get the video camera out without risking water damage.  In fact to the point where I thought it could end up being the end of the whole holiday. The bothy is part of the Ben Dampf Estate (should be called the Ben Damp Estate).  I've not seen so much water in my life other than when looking over the edge of a ship / yacht at the ocean below. I suggest you watch this whilst having a long cold shower. Ciao for now Wayne (wet fat blubbery thing on a bike...)

Warning!: I swear, a lot, in this video.  And whilst there is some stunning scenery to watch and to ride through with us if you are easily offended then please do not watch.  Or watch with the sound turned down. Sorry but it was a hard hard day's riding Ciao for now Wayne (the fat man on the bike)

Another bit of video this time from Fort William to Lochcarron with some wild weather atop the Skye bridge.  Luckily the weather blew through and we could complete the cycling without getting rather wet. I hope you enjoy the ride! Ciao for now Wayne (the fat man)

Here's the first bit of video. I've chosen Kate Bush to get us on our way with Army Dreamers.  Well this music seemed appropriate being that we were riding General Wades Military Route for most of it and dreaming of the hard days ahead.  It should tie in with the non-fiction musings of a fat old man on a bike - see my earlier blog entries.. Hope you enjoy sharing this journey with us. The next blog entry will cover the journey from Fort William to Lochcarron Ciao for now...

Imagine this.  You’re looking at a huge panorama of high mountains with awe inspiring music playing in the background.  The camera pans to a view of a bright mountain meadow on which there are two men….  Lucky London Alan  Neddy  Pepper is atop his pup of a bike and Rooster Fat Man  Cock Burn is on his Koga 5 bar gate. 'Two against the 500 it is ill advised' we hear Maddy Lyn say. The two men advance towards one another.  500 miles separates them.. Rooster and Neddy eye each other. ‘Well Rooster, will you give me the road?  What is your intention, do you think a ride on the 500 is a dogfall?’ ‘I intend to kill you in 500 miles, Neddy.  Or see you collapse in Inverness at Judge Parker’s convenience store.  Which’ll it be?' Neddy Laughs.  His split lip has now healed after the bad shaving accident with his toothpaste last night.   'I call that bold talk for a one bike fat man' 'Fill your hands with w...

Here are the thoughts of London Alan.  I'm most happy that he is adding his words to this blog.  Thanks Alan! ----------------- Well, here we are, back in York, where the journey with WT started (the WT500!). I was filled with trepidation and uncertainty before we began, as I think anyone would be who hadn’t ridden a bike for about 30 years, had just entered their 60’s, and had the route details as night time reading. But, as I saw it, the potential benefits from this trip where going to far outweigh any minor inconveniences (!) along the way. A few thoughts:  The Landscapes.  Wow. Majestic and motionless, apart from their cascading waterfalls and rushing rivers. On some days, looking pristine as if built by Disney and on other days shrouded in cloud and hiding their secrets.  The Roads.  The “proper” A roads breaking up and more suitable for a mountain bike. The single track A roads more rideable and in some places with recently laid...

I know that there are a select few who are following this adventure in Blogger.  So I'm sure you'll be happy to know we've arrived in Inverness.  We're safe, very happy and very very tired.  We are now full of Chinese food and some beers and have wobbled our way back to the BnB,  Alan has purchased industrial ear defenders for tonights snore onslaught. But please be patient.  Tomorrow is Monday.  We're on the 0755 train to York.  It'll be a happy day.  Sad too cos a journey has finished.  Nah its only just begun for London Alan. Two things for tomorrows blog.  For sure I have lots to write to finalise this shindig.  But good news is I've also persuaded London Alan to write something for it too so sometime tomorrow there will be a Happy Mondays update. Thanks for reading, friends.  Watch for our final instalment tomorrow evening. Nite

Fantastic.  I’m handed a small basket of dry clothing this morning.  Its so nice.  Warm.  Not a hint of moisture.  I do hope however that they did not dry it with any other persons clothing cos whilst it was wet and cept for the bits that shared a bath with me last night, the rest of it is minging and in desperate need of a wash.  Or being burned.  Or buried.  I forgot to tell the reception not to mix my bits with anyone elses.   ‘Wonder what washing powder they use here’ I heard the guests in room number 6 say at breakfast under their breaths.  ‘Cos our wash stinks like manky cycling shorts. Sniff, Whooooahh boy, Phew!’ The Ben Loyal hotel in Tongue is one of the better ones if not the best in this part of the world.  I’m drinking Happie Chappie pale ale last night hoping it will raise my spirits.  Nah it just put me into a coma at 9pm and into a world of weird dreams living on the edge of something hard in a dark part of thi...

We're both stood at the window staring at a heavy sky.  Rain is pit pattering on the flat roof of the hotel and water is gushing from a badly fit drainpipe.  We're both scanning every weather site that exists with hope that one of them will show fewer black rain clouds to give us hope.  London Alan says the BEEB shows light rain and sunshine.  Even though we know that the BBC weather forecasts are now crap we both wobble off to breakfast atop tired legs with some hope.. I can't describe the look of London Alan's face but it worried me.  ‘How would you describe today’ I asked or something like it.  London Alan looked me square in the face and said ’Survival’. Not a word more.  We keep peeking out the window looking for a ray of hope.  I see some brightness on the horizon.  I suggest it might be clearing.  The BEEB might just be right?  We have a world full of other web sites trying to counter that forecast but we cling tightly to th...