Fat Bloke on a Bike

 Well that's it.  London Alan has arrived back home in Kent.  No doubt very happy to see his partner - Lyn - cos for sure I bet she doesn't fart 'n snort half as much as I do.  'I didn't sleep much' says he 'cos I can hear you all night'; whether in the other tent some 4 meters away whilst wearing ear plugs or plain through the bedroom wall.  Yer Ken Ken from Edinburgh will vouch for that 'cos I think I kept him awake all night when we were on an Audit together in Atlanta back in the days of BT even though I was in an adjacent hotel room.   I do hope that Lyn has taken good care of London Alan now that he is back home.  I imagine him walking in the house with a bedraggled face and a pet lip saying 'hello love, I've got a poorly back and my legs are sore... whimper, whimper, etc.....  ' Aw’, says Lyn looking down, ‘let me help you with that...’ No not that although being away from her warm embrace for 6 nights might have a funny effect on...

I'm sad to report that the North Yorkshire 200 cycle ride is dead.  It's a fact that it is a hard ride and I think I've broken London Alan.  Here is a text copy of our conversation earlier yesterday on arrival at the Scabby camp site, inspired by Monty Python’s dead Parrot sketch... London Alan:  I wish to complain about a bike ride what I started not half a week ago from your very boutique.   Fat Bloke:  Oh yes, the North Yorkshire 200, uh, with the Norwegian Blue legs... What's, uh... What's wrong with 'em? London Alan: I'll tell you what's wrong with 'em, my lad. They're dead, that's what's wrong with 'em! Fat Bloke: No, no, uh,...they're resting. London Alan: Look, matey, I know a dead pair of legs when I see 'em, and I'm looking at 'em right now. Fat Bloke: No no they're not dead, they're restin'! Remarkable legs the Norwegian Blue aren't they, ay? Beautiful countryside innit! London Alan: The coun...

The crap nav is still brain dead.  It sits quietly in the corner of my handlebar bag staring into space, blowing bubbles and occasionally humming to itself.  Right now I hate the lil fecker but he is mine after all so I can’t really get too angry with him can I?  He’s only five and so can’t really be blamed for being so immature and damn child like can he?   Anyway that’s the ride to Scabby (Scarborough) done.  What a superb day.  Hot sun on fevered brows. A good cooling tailwind ushering a pair of aged bodies and bikes up all the slow slow grinding gnarly hill climbs.  I show a bright red rear led light but also a bright red angry face which looks like a baboons arse with a puckered grimace bearing teeth 'n breathing heavily, pushing a fecking heavy bike and a heavy fat bloke up and over a multitude of busty hillocks.    The twins, ma knees, both gently hum a sharp tune to themselves.  I have some cuts on my right hand which, cos they’r...

Well the day has arrived.  London Alan has touched down in York on a glorious day.  The weather is set fair ‘cept for the thunderstorms forecast for Wednesday night - at the same time as we’re camping within a stones throw of Whitby Abbey - Dracula and all that.  Ooo-er! It’s been a busy week prepping everything at home to make it just about presentable for a guest visit.  I’ve made sure all the baby tomato plants and fledgling vegetables are fully watered cos they’re gonna have to fend for themselves and get on with their young lives whilst I’m gone.  'I don’t like it!' I heard them muttering to themselves.  Sorry, no choice boys.  Daddy’s going away for a couple of days and with that I left them tucked up in a greenhouse full of warm moist tears; well, condensation on the glass really…   I do tend to leave things to the last moment.  I know where everything is and it’s just a matter of getting the crap together and job done innit?  Yep...

Oh dear, this kinda sums up how I got to where I am today... Well yes, like CJ's, my life has been full of decisions.  I didn't get to where I am today by writing about all of them.  No.  And I didn't get to where I am today by only cycling.  No not that either.    I got to where I am today by doing lots and lots of stuff; and by making shed loads of decisions on the way.  See previous blog entries for an ickle bit of it.  And very recently which is why this blog has been a bit lite with content I've been doing lots and lots of the other stuff which has got me to where I am today.  For example, I’ve been in the garden and have brought it back to life.  My blossom wilted.  There's a cream for that apparently.  I've planted my tomatoes and watered my plums (fnar!).  I've also been ordering kitchens and floors and balustrades and and..  and yes, the extension is about to move on in its final phase...  But I’ve also ...