Fat Bloke on a Bike

Ok, Mark, yer right.  There's enough smut, double entendres and other gruesomenesses at times in this blog that leaves little to ones imagination about the problems I have when riding my bike.  Including the other problems and irritations in my life.  So I think yer right, I shouldn't introduce anything fnar'ish about how winter miles give summer pil... er, haemorrhoids in the title of this blog today should I?   I also need to say a big thank you to 'Unknown'.  Thank you 'Unknown'.  Yes, you're absolutely right.  I do need to revisit the set up my bike cos a poorly set up bike will, at the best of times, make a mess of anyones cycling shorts and their contents.  Like letting loose a rabid Rottweiler in a chicken coop.  There is no excuse for me not fettling my saddle before suffering many more p.., er, miles.  Ok, ok thanks everyone for taking a keen interest in my nether regions.  Now of course I do not blame South Side Mark for a...

Aw feck, this is hard work.  There I was in the bedroom with the curtains drawn and all the lighting on, naked on all fours with my arse facing towards the built in wardrobe mirror.  With the not so large pedestal bathroom mirror on the floor by my left hand side.  Trying to check my arse through a pair of binoculars.  It's impossible!  I don't recommend it.  But woe is me, something is not right.  I can feel it, Dave. The ride out yesterday was glorious.  Again south along the pastry (Sustrans route 65) towards Riccall.  Like this.. Bit of a snaky route but the plan was to time my arrival in Naburn for the meet with Max and Linda for lunch at approx 1pm.   It felt safe to go to Riccall today cos for sure it was just too blimmin cold for any of the local doggers to be out on the prowl.  You know, bored middle aged housewives wandering the streets in their dressing gowns, arms out straight in front, limp wristed, hair in curlers, fag...

I'm just in the process of thinking about this years rides.  Whether JOGLE or a ride to Vienna.  I guess that COVID will determine what happens this year but need to start looking into options now.  Nonetheless, I did this LEJOG write up a little while back for somebody and on reflection it really gives good guidance and feedback on how to plan and do the LEJOG thing / any long distance tour ride.  SO am adding it to this blog to keep a record of it and to help everyone including me with their tour planning for 2022 and beyond... Planning LEJOG It was about January 2018 when I started to plan the ride for May that year. As I support the SUSTRANS charity I decided to see if I could navigate following as many SUSTRANS cycle routes as possible. Madness ensued. SUSTRANS is a good and hopeful charity who attempt plot and mark out cycling and walking friendly rides on anything that will 'just about do' throughout the UK. Some routes are delightful and loaded with cyclists ...

To follow on from my previous blog entry .  And I'm not enjoying writing this but feel that I have to, to follow on from yesterday's gripe...   Well, I knew today would be an embarrassment for me as PMQ's were scheduled and whichever way you looked at it the session was gonna be ugly.  So would be the media tornado that would rise from the storm.  I could not muster the energy to get angry again as I'm completely dejected by all of it.  So I decided to go out for a ride on my bike.  A long ride on my bike....  What a beautiful day though!  Here’s a photo of the dawn just before sunrise as the warm red rays reflect off the underside of the high clouds. Frosty to start with but by mid morning I was in my shorts and on my way out following this route.   Firstly up to Aldwark Bridge where I paused for lunch and looked into a wispy blue sky trying to see the damn RAF jets as they pirouetted high overhead in their pretend 'Hun in the Sun' war games...

I'm up off the sofa this morning bent over raging with my purple spitty face pressed up against the TV screen.  Screaming at Kay Burley on SKY News as she sits there all prim, proper and judgemental like calling out the current top story that there was another gathering of folk at 10 Downing street for 'after work drinks' (a bring your own bottle event) which was allegedly attended by the PM in May 2020.  Aaaarrrggghhhh!!!!  Firstly was it not you Ms Burley who was suspended from work for 6 months after having a party to celebrate your 60th birthday also in 2020?  Yes it was, Yes it was.  Yet you still sit there in your icy ivory and glass studio tower talking about the latest story as though butter would not melt in your mouth.   Secondly, where did this story come from?  Who has made the allegation?  ITV you all say? No. No. No that's not the source of it.   Who has made the allegation .  Which warm bodied political none bike riding sp...

Hairy Jane rang me this morning to wish me a Happy New Year and to plant a seed in my mind which she / he / it hopes will germinate as the warmth of the days increases now that we have passed the winter equinox and so are now on our way back to spring. Specifically, that we should set aside and schedule some time this year to go out on some off-road bike rides together.  Of course!  And whilst in conversation, which is often me speaking at the person who called, he / she / it interjected with the phrase '...if you think about it...' as I was explaining my latest take on the coronavirus and some other non interesting things relating to the lack of a working memory.  I forget… If I think about it? How dare she / he / it even suggest in a passing 'un-thought about’ comment that I don't think about things? You think my brain runs on auto pilot do you Hairy? Let me tell you it takes a flippin lot of effort and thought to generate the volume of diatribe that comes out of ...