Fat Bloke on a Bike

I'm home.  My feet are encased in blocks of ice.  My toes have been replaced with glass marbles direct from the deep freeze.  Even though I was wearing shorts my legs feel good.  The ice packs that have blown onto my knees for the last 3 hours probably mean I will be able to get up off the toilet this evening.  But sadly I am testicle-less.  Those suckers were freeze dried well before I reached Riccall where they pinged off my legs into the frozen undergrowth akin to rifle bullets ricocheting off rocks.   I know from today's ride that if I ever needed to, and unlike the terminal journeys of the Galileo and Juno spacecraft,  I would for sure survive a free fall into the Jovian atmosphere irrespective of how cold it may be.   Yeah, great news!  My bike wheel is back from Hermany.  Yay!  Herman says 'Ja ve haf fixzd ze huboylgeflingenstoppenzeal and ve haf done het unter WAR-renty fer jew!'.  Well, there ya go. ...

I am a dreamer.  Have been all of my life.  As I have said before it's a bit like going to a second life when I go to sleep.  Dreams come most nights.  Always different and at times somewhat bizarre in nature.  Whilst  many of them become a core memory as though they had really happened, others just melt away.    Most dreams are quite strong and clear in my mind when I wake and so it's a strange feeling for those that fade.  Irrespective of how much I want some to stay they ever so gradually disappear in the moments of wakefulness between sleep and getting out of bed.  Again it's like replaying the scene from the '2001 A Space Odyssey' film where Dave, whilst protectively wrapped in a mis-matched colour wise space suit, slowly inserts and turns a metal key to eject the core memory modules from the HAL computer, who being bereft of arms and legs, can only gently protest by saying, "I can feel it, Dave", as its memory slowly fades away. ...

I remember waking from an intense twitching and whimpering doggy like dream the other morning with a proper broad smile on my face.  An I'm happy and about to break out laughing kinda feeling.  Moments before I was dreaming that I was back at work.  Perhaps BT but could have been any place really.  Of an urgent challenge at a works team event.  To do something.  Of such extreme importance which had me in a great hurry to make it happen as I once upon a time did.  I recall running into the canteen, racing around folk shouting and waving my arms in the air just before snatching a handful of burgers from the bright countertop and of sprinting back into the meeting room.  The place and atmosphere has changed.  There I was, now with a dog, on a darkened stage with both of us in a bright white spot light.  The act began.   The dog is sat attentively at my side.  Stiff backed and with its head slightly uplifted looking straight ahead....

I AM ENRAGED!  I have just watched the PM come on TV at 8pm on the 4th January 2021 to say that the whole of the country is to go into stage 5 - effectively full lockdown because of the continued growth in Coronavirus and the fact that the NHS is about to implode.    Sorry this is not going to be a fun read today but here's specifically why I'm so angry. The PM did a Covid update today which included an important piece of information that has been overlooked, not understood, ignored, lost or buried in a mountain of crap custard pies.  The CLOWNS have missed it for too long but it is FINALLY recognised and in the PM's statement today.  There is now recognition that: CHILDREN [THROUGH SCHOOLS] ARE THE VECTORS [CARRIERS] OF INFECTION!   Oh boy, a core policy decision was made, to keep schools open at all costs without understanding the RISK of that action.  Yes yes yes sending kiddies to school is a good thing and critical for their education and futures...

It's very cold and very bright this morning.  The shite hawks are skittering about the sky with a wooooo! wooooo! aaarrrggghhhhh! kinda sound as they do their best to find a place, any place on which they can safely rest their testicles without the buggers permanently sticking like a kids wet tongue to a dry ice lollipop.  Other braver birds are everywhere in the bright blue sky, spitting at each other with a 'errow, cnn oo elp mi te fine mi twesticlsss peas?' (1) The last of the 2020 butcher deliveries are done.  The white crystals that covered my solar panels first thing this morning have now gone but the roads and paths are truly dangerous for a 50 something fat man.  I hear the crunch crunch crunch of cold feet on the footpath behind me.  Perhaps a winterised racing snake with knobbly boots on?  No I'm not going to speed up for fear of a slip and a fall.  Somehow my brain is no longer connected to my feet as it once was as a child.  I have a p...