Cycling NZ26 - Day14 - How’s the Queen?

This one is for my neighbour John

I continue to be smacked in the mouth over the loveliness of New Zealanders. It does not matter where anyone is from, their religious nor political beliefs. In fact none of that ever comes out in any discussion. They’re super nice to everyone. Except the Irish. Nobody likes the Irish…

Today I’ve been coming down the mountain on an inland route so avoiding trunk route 4. That’s where all the big lorries go and a route that you need to stock up for cos it’s sheep farms for 60 miles and absolutely nothing else. Fast trucks. Fast cars. And they’re all gonna want to get past fat old me. 

I’m the only customer in Angels cafe in Raetihi.  There is another route via Pipiriki but that just means more miles and an additional 1000ft climbing to get to the same place. I really don’t fancy that and so am not sure which way I should go. The Maori lass is behind her desk preparing my breakfast.

Contrary to what I’ve said before in this blog I say excuse me miss, can you tell me what might be the best way to Whanganui please?  Plus because again I wanted some sympathy I say because I have a cold and show her my upside down sad face. 

Well she was adamant that the longer route was best. Even though longer I’d be passing through a couple of villages and should I have any problems the local folk would only be too happy to help.  Route 4 is sterile and dangerous. Once you are on it you have to grow eyes in the back of your head, hug the kerb and just crack on. 

Of course I take her advice. I’m away down the hill towards Pipiriki. Approx 1800ft down!  Not in one go cos theres a few ridges to cross. Nonetheless I finally arrive at Pipiriki. It’s only about 11 am and whilst I am feeling stronger today I remember Hairy Janes take it easy Wayne comment so yeah they have a campsite here and so yeah ill have another easy day off and press on to Whanganui tomorrow. 

Junior was behind the counter. A lovely Maori masticating his banana. A man with no teeth who could have been 40 or 80. Just couldn’t do enough again to help. There’s still about 89 kilometres to go to Whanganui with 3500 ft of ascent. A bit beyond my achy thighs snd knees today although I’m starting to notice a marked improvement. 

He asks how much further might I be able to go. I reconed about 30 kilometres in these hills. In a flash he’s on the phone to Chantelle in the small cluster of houses in Marahiwi, books me a roadside cabin and dinner and just like that I’m spending the night in the Whanganui river canyon.  It’s a lovely place in need of TLC but smothered with smiles. 

Now throughout my journey I’ve met loads of locals and it is true. Many still have a strong love of the Royal Family - although the remoteness is affecting timely delivery of the news. 

Here are some examples of my Royal Family conversations so far…

How are you min? Ah good. Yeh min jus keep yersen warm and yell all be good. Yeh Yeh. Your doing what?  Power to you min. Aye couldn’t even do 1 kilometre around here. 

Where ye from min?

I’m from England

Frim Englund huh?  Yeh. Yeh. How’s the Queen?

Well I’m afraid it’s not good news..

Ah min. Not good news eh?  Tell her to keep herself warm n she’ll be alrite mit. Yeh. Yeh. Keep her warm mit. Give her our love next time you see her eh mit. If she needs owt I’m just around the corner ok?  Great. Great. 

Hmm Wayne. I know you’re trying your best not to upset folk but you have to be honest. Ok?

Later that day I meet another local fella. 

How are you min? Ah good. Yeh min jus keep yersen warm and yell all be good. Yeh Yeh. Your doing what?  Power to you min. Aye couldn’t even do 1 kilometre around here. 

Where ye from min?

I’m from England

Frim Englund huh?  Yeh. Yeh. How’s the Queen?

Well I’m afraid she’s dead. 

Ah min. Not good news eh?  Tell her to keep herself warm n she’ll be alrite mit. Yeh. Yeh. Keep her warm mit. Give her our love next time you see her eh mit. If she needs owt I’m just around the corner ok?  Great. Great. 

Oh gawd. That didn’t work.  Make it clear that there has been a change at the top of the royal family. Something special!  The coronation!!

Later again that day I meet another local fella. 

How are you min? Ah good. Yeh min jus keep yersen warm and yell all be good. Yeh Yeh. Your doing what?  Power to you min. Aye couldn’t even do 1 kilometre around here. 

Where ye from min?

I’m from England

Frim Englund huh?  Yeh. Yeh. How’s the Queen?

Well I’m afraid the Queen is now a King!

Ah min. I have no problem with that mit. If she wants to be a he then power to her!  Modern times eh mit?  Not for me tho bro.  Tell her to keep herself warm n she’ll be alrite mit. Yeh. Yeh. Keep her warm mit. Give her our love next time you see her eh mit. If she needs owt I’m just around the corner ok?  Great. Great. 

Its just not working!. Perhaps talk about some of the bad times in her life and use that as a segway to the fact that she is now deceased. Yea try that…

At the end of the day at camp here I meet the cousin of the camp owner. He comes here to hide away and enjoy his stash of some of the local plant life - if you know what i mean. . 

How are you min? Ah good. Yeh min jus keep yersen warm and yell all be good. Yeh Yeh. Your doing what?  Power to you min. Aye couldn’t even do 1 kilometre around here. 

Where ye from min?

I’m from England

Frim Englund huh?  Yeh. Yeh. How’s the Queen?

Well I’m afraid shes had an Annus Horriblis.

Ah min. Not good news eh?  There’s a cream for that you know min. Tell her to keep herself warm n use the cream an she’ll be alrite mit. Yeh. Yeh. Use the cream and keep herself warm mit. Give her our love next time you see her eh mit. If she needs owt I’m just around the corner ok?  Great. Great. 

I give up. 

Lovely folk here. Very vegetarian diet. Egg and cheese is allowed. I’m given a tray of all that is tasty a bright. Verdant green stuff mixed with other green bits. It smelt and tasted lovely.  I think some spicy cauliflower florets too.. Delish!

Now I have a problem. I sometimes suffer with night paralysis. You know a sudden wakening but your body remains paralysed as is normal when you are asleep. Stops you acting out your dreams and sleepwalking. 

For me caused by brassicas. So thats cabbage and cauliflower and broccoli and coriander and the like…

I’m too polite. I say nowt and scoff the lot. 

All I can say is that they just might need to call the fire brigade to get me out of the hut tomorrow 🫣😬

Ciao for now.