Cycling NZ26 - Day 5 - This is getting serious!

COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO! COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO!!

It’s 0400 Zulu.  It’s time to choke the chicken.

No not THAT!  I’m going out to introduce that fecking rooster to my knuckles and see if I can make it go COCK! a ACH!-AGH!-URP! instead..

I’m getting well into this ride and probably like the Zulu’s priest I’m drunk with love of this land and was well on my way away from Rourke’s drift and my early morning Zulu problem. So I thought..

Somethings bitten me. A love bite on the back of my neck. Weeping a bit of blood. Some bloodsucker so like the critters I’ve dated back home. This one though has not left me with some swollen itchy lump of a thing that would be guaranteed to annoy me for the rest of the relationship and which I would scratch at until she buggered off.  But no not this one. A small love bite. You’ve come here to have a bit of this land, well it only fair we have a bit of you too mit it probably thought to itself. No worries says I. You did not hurt. Take as much as you like. 

First task. I’ve finally got the shit, shower and shave routine back in the right order. I look down into Percy’s bowl and spot what appears to be a dead fly. A shiny black one more iridescent than the best of those fast Lycra clad racing snakes back home. I flush the toilet. 

Now take care here. Water pressure in the pipes is off the scale. If you get it wrong it will rip the skin and flesh from your bones.  But only in a nice way.  I let go with the lever.  Percy gargles like a rabid dog - the liquid boiling and rolling with an intensity only ever seen in Niagara Falls’ public loos. You know, the ones at the bottom of the hill. 

I look down into the bowl and up pops the fly. Obviously not dead. But selected to survive the waterfalls and rapids that smother this country.  Not a spec of water on its carapace.  It flits momentarily in the bog I’m sure with a big smile on its face trying its best to tell me to do it again, do it again!

You know how cochineal is made?  Well should the Titanic ever have had a top coat of paint made of the shell of this sucker then it would have just bobbed like a cork in the cold North Atlantic waters after hitting the berg.   

I’m sorry my friend Audrey II has just hit the Greek airport baggage conveyor belt button and Mr Softee (20,263) is knocking on the bomb bay doors.  I need the toilet!

I’m sat there singing happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday Mr Softee (20,263), happy birthday to you as he free falls into Percy’s bowl followed by his crumpled paper parachute.  I press the button on the toilet matter transporter to send him straight down the 8000 miles back home. Where the fly went God only knows. Perhaps Mr Softee (20,263) now has a pet?

My sandy bottom experience…

I am sat on the hotel terrace doing a great impression of a poached egg post my swim with the fishes, the poached ones of course cos volcanic hot water is too sulphurous and hot for the fresh water types around here. I think the phrase is - I’m carbo loading - having demolished a tasty combo of schnitzel burger and chips and a morsel of banoffee pie. The only down side for gluttonous me was its small portion of banana. Nonetheless, so nice. 

I’m stood by the plate chatting with the waitress and look down to see that balloon dog had stuck his head out of his kennel door - straining at his knicker elastic leash with his long tongue out - licking the plate clean. What an embarrassment!   He did however get the admiration of the ladies at the other table. I did offer them to give him a stroke but they politely declined. I could see he was getting way too excited at the thought of having his belly tickled.  Poor lad. 

At dinner a similarly beautifully proportioned and tasty meal was put in front of me. Gone in 60 seconds I think the phrase is. She came back to me after I’d polished off the main course and says with a straight face, might Sir have room for some dessert?  I looked at her for all of 2 seconds before breaking out in huge laughter 🤣🤣 and whilst wiping the tears from my eyes I offered her my glasses 😁. Very polite young lady (and I didn’t laugh - really) 😊👍. 

It was defo the right decision to have today off.  I’ve had time to better assess the climate here. Cool fresh airs on a morning linger until about 1330 when the heat suddenly starts to build. Right now I’m on the bar’s terrace in weather a Brit would die for, yes its that prefect. But 2 beers and a 2 course meal later I’m proper zapped and in dire need of a snooze. 

So today I will be away early. Its gonna be a long day when it starts with about 54 miles and 3500ft of ascent. Yes a big day sat on a heavy moose. 

Ive booked the next 3 nights because of the remoteness of it all. I’m in the Maraetai Lodge in Mangakino on Wednesday night which gets me to the start of the Timber Trail. Then 30 plus miles and 3500 ft again of ascent to Camp Epic in the middle of the trail where I can either pitch my tent or glam it in one of the hard pitched tents on site.  Followed by another 49 miles or so of downhill into Ongarue and a cottage stay. If I’m buggered then its only another 15 miles along the road to a selection of motels where I can shack up until I feel better.

Now from that point on there are still options. To either stay out on the trails or keep to the roads as I push my way south towards Whanganui for a proper rest there. 

Experience tells me that my legs do significantly improve with each passing day. My only worries going forward should be having enough food and water with me. I still need to source some methylated spirits and matches as one will be useless without the other for my spirit burner but if not then cold rations will be fine. A pack of flour tortilla and jars of peanut butter and hazelnut chocolate spread when combined together are both calorific and tasty if not a bit samey. Might try some banana with it too. 

Almost time for breakfast number 1. 

Today’s route will include a visit to the Te Waihou Blue Spring with its incredibly crystal clear waters.  Hopefully a place at least as spectacular as the brochure says.  A place where I can also watch the flies surfboarding with the sound of Hawaii-Five-O theme playing loudly in our tiny minds. 

LOL!  I forgot!  Theres a Zulu here too!

Ciao for now.