Cycling NZ26 - Day 15 - Wherever There’s an Uphill

Would you believe it. I’m already at the half way point time wise. But not yet half way distance wise. 

For sure this bloody cold has proper banjaxed me. Forcing significantly less miles per day and forcing me to take rest days. I’m sorry. I have no choice in this respect. 

In the UK at this point I’d be at approx the 600 mile point. That’s approx 50 miles per day plus 2 days off. So far here I’ve done 400 miles. So I’m 4 days behind where I might expect to be. 

But wait!  How much harder is this compared to the Lands end to John O Groats ride I did in 2017. 

Here I’ve done 400 miles with 27,000 ft of ascent.

My summary from LEJOG was that I rode 1200 miles with 40,000 ft of ascent.

Here in New Zealand in one third of the LEJOG distance I’ve already done two thirds of the climbing. Wow!  With a shitty cold FOR MOST OF IT. 🤧. Wayne. You’ve gotta be happy with what you’ve done so far mate!  

Yes. My memory is of just the one day on the flat here so far. Into a 30 degree hot headwind. The rest has been hills. Fricking big gnarly suckers. I don’t care that Mark Beaumont said that anyone who could cycle the North Coast 500 can cycle anywhere in the world. Nah. I’ve done the 500 with london Alan. We did it in 12 days. This place should be used as the baseline as in my opinion the hills are a magnitude bigger and harder. 

I’ll drop some video of the lovely downhill stuff in at the end of this blog for you to see.  With a bit of chat with a young French couple riding in the opposite direction. On their FIRST bike tour!  Wow!  What a way to put yourself off ever doing it again - for life!

In places it’s like the Bealach na Ba. Every fricking day. As though someone in Scotland might ask me - what are you going to cycle today, Wayne?  I’m going to cycle up the Bealach na Ba!  And tomorrow?  I’m going to cycle up the Bealach na Ba!  And the day after?  I’m going to do something different. I’m going to cycle up the Bealach na Ba this time from the Applecross end during the forecast rainstorm and I’m gonna ask farmer Palmer to coat the whole of it in wet mud first…. Just to make it a bit more interesting. You get my drift. 

Garmin continues to be a crap nav. A fecking liar!  Every day I catch the rabid conversation between Ma Boy and Our Lass and Garmin as they grind hard into the hill.  You're on the flat now says the fecking liar with its multiple graphs in a similar way to the presentations that I did when at work which completely failed to pull the wool over my knees.  

Ma boy and Our Lass somehow manage to mouth the words ‘you fecking liar’ between huge gulps of swollen knee fluid whilst attempting to make the pedals go around with crampons and rope. 

I look at the crap nav. It reports only 900 ft to go (yes it was a little hill climb today). I press on. Just tap out the rotations Wayne. One at a time. The cicadas are positively cheering at me as though I’m the lead Le Tour cyclist on the big climb to the very highest coll!  

I lose myself in the sweet agony of it all and momentarily, so it seems, I again look at the screen and I’m nearly done. Over 60 minutes have flown by and I missed every single moment. Away with the fairies in the monotony of it all. Kinda reminds me of the team meetings I used to attend at work. 

But I know the top is again close. One feels the sweet wind return which caresses and lifts the thick moisture from my body in preparation for the downhill to come. 

Just watch this. No speaking really. No music. Just join me on a small selection of  joyous downward descents. 

Just remember…

Wherever there’s a downhill…

THERE’S A FECKING TOUGH LONG HARD SWEATY FECKING UPHILL!! GAAAHH!

Ciao for now.