Cycling NZ26 - The Run Up

Unlike the birds I do not have to go out in this blimmin' damp cold weather.  Problem is I'm about to undertake the biggest cycle journey of my life.  Whilst some folk talk about riding oneself fit without any preparation then if I do that, even with all of the historical touring miles behind me, all I'll do is ride myself into the ground.  You see I've not done very much riding since the end of last season.  

The mix of at least 1000 miles on the bike and at least 60,000ft of ascent and all done at the driest and possibly warmest time of the year means that no prep = dead cyclist if I didn't do something about it.  I'm not too worried about what YOU might wish but for sure it's not the way I plan to leave this planet when I'm all done.

So I've been doing some winter riding on the bike.  Today was a shakedown ride after completing several 'bike service' changes.  All done by moi.  This included at least; a new bottom bracket bearing, new pedals, greased head bearings, new brake pads, new tyres front and back and a new chain.  A lot of what was is now in the bin.  

Now it is a mixture of excitement and anxiety that sweeps my body today.  Not only because for a fat old bloke this is quite an adventure.  No, simply there is no easy train home should things go wrong.  Compounded by the fact that both new tyres (tubeless) for the last 3 days have flatly refused to hold any air; and the chain must be a Chinese copy because it coughs and jumps irrespective of how carefully I play with Madame De-Railleur's twiddly bits.  It's a bit like having sex with some old chain smoking French tart.  So I'm told, ahem.

It's all finally fettled though.  Perseverance with my knobblies and another chain has saved the day.  To then call Cathay Pacific to update them on the dimensions and weight of my bike-in-a-box and hear the 'we will need to confirm this is OK with our luggage teams - you will need to call back in 72 hours' reply is a bit 'nippy' and it's not even a cold day today!  Gawd.  I could do without this!  I believe that particular agent has aspirations to join Tesco's non-customer service mob going by his scare tactics today.

I get home after a short 20 miler and oh-woe-is-me, the legs don't feel right.  Imagine having bags of jelly that have set hard as though you've just taken them out of the deep freeze.  And that was on a bike with NO luggage!  Not to worry Wayne, just an off day wasn't it?  You've been doing your indoor winter training too haven't ya?

Magnetic trainers,  Yep I've got one.  Only to be used at this time of the year.  I've been using it on the really icy days of which there have been many.  In the kitchen of course so that I can mop up my excretions at the end of the session. 

The thing is they're a bloody bore.  Strap yourself to the bike, set the resistance and cadence and the music (120 BPM or so for diesel me is best), max out the boredom threshold level knob - and GO!  Staring at the mouldy unwashed dishes in the sink for mile after mile.  Beautiful verdant green countryside it is not, although if I left them until next week then they might just get there.  Riding only for about 1 hour so approx 15 to 20 miles every alternate day.  Gawd.  Bore-ing!

To try to fix this I've started to ride in the dark.  After 4pm of course at this time of the year.  If I canna see the Petrie dishes in the sink nor count the washing items piled by the hungry open mouthed washing machine then I can just about cope.  I let my mind wander.  Perhaps dreaming of the warm days to come as I grind out the miles in the night kitchen.  

Now you would think being an ex-telephone engineer that I might have an inkling to the fact that some things in this life need regular servicing.  Many things in fact.  Me - yup.  My bikes - of course.  But for some reason I've never thought that the magnetic trainer might need a service.  A high speed spinny thing that generates stupendous resistance to make my thighs go hard - and my testicles to go numb.  

There I was last night whilst on a stupendously hard setting listening to Florence and the Machine's inaugural album - 'Lungs' - which seemed appropriate as I had already coughed mine up - grinding on the rivet with my head down and arse up and my knees making such a graunching sound.  So I thought.

I failed to notice that my flange was loose which whilst under maximum pressure and with an almighty BANG let go of the back wheel.  The rubber hit the terrazzo floor tiles with such force I was catapulted forward.  I hit the kitchen cabinetry at approx 30 MPH which launched me over the bars and into my freshly baked fondant fancies.  Finishing upside down against the wall sporting broken fairy cakes which had been hit by my crossmember at high speed on the way past the handlebars is probably God's way of telling me to keep off the sugar - and to keep the lights on.  

My house is a bomb site.  Everything is ripped out of every orifice as I search high and low for every morsel that I will need with me in New Zealand.  Tomorrow I will start to pack and check off the extensive checklist as I go.  I'm praying I have sufficient luggage space on the bike for clothing and washing stuff, camping and cooking stuff, cold and wet weather stuff, electrical and electronic stuff, and me.  

About the electronics.  Yeah, I've bought myself a new Garmin Crap Nav amongst a plethora of other battery powered devices to keep me well lit and with which to record this once in a lifetime journey.  The Garmin has a new feature.  A tracker.  Which when activated will show my location on this planet, including in the New Zealand mountains and forests.  In fact anywhere there is some form of mobile connection.  

IF YOU WOULD LIKE to follow me on this adventure then do let me know by EMAIL or in a note in this blog.  I will then add your email to the tracker so that you will receive links to an on line map with me shown as a moving 'blue dot' each day.  Dot 'stalking' seems to be the new craze on the internet nowadays..

I'm not quite on the starting blocks but defo coming out of the stadium tunnel into the bright lights and starting to realise what I've let myself in for.  

A lot now hangs in the hands of Cathay Pacific's customer service team.  If they've been speaking to Tesco's customer service recently about my blogs then I'm not expecting good news...

Ciao for now.