There by the grace of God

How time flies.  Day 10 done.  I'm in Carlile with Scotland now a distant memory.  So thats 460 miles, 40,931 kcals and a shedload of feet climbed.  I'm nearly half way there!

Not a good nights sleep though last night.  The room here in Carlisle is small and perfectly formed but is not the cause of my insomnia.  My mind is busy contemplating stuff.  I did eventually fall to sleep sometime after midnight but awoke out of it at least twice with a dead arm.  You know a proper achy appendage having somehow bent it unfunnily just before placing my huge bulk on top of it.  Oooohhhh!

Yesterday we passed through Lockerbie where we found one of the gardens of remembrance.  We're in quiet contemplation whilst sat on a bench, and fall asleep.  Away with the fairies that no doubt protect this place yet still cry over the horror of it even today some 35 years later.  Over the lost souls of so many people who just did not know and so had no choice in the fate that was to befall them.  It's a horrid thought to even try to imagine what it was like for folk on board that aircraft that day.  Unlike them I at least have some control over what may happen every time I get on my bike.  But I don't fool myself into thinking all will always be good.  For sure I do not have a crystal ball.

Well perhaps there is something.  It’s happened to me before.  I'm a prolific dreamer.  I shut my eyes and most nights I go into my second life.  Last nights affair was gruesome involving knives and running away whilst trying to fend off a person determined to attack me and those with me.  Like in films such as Predator, something that cannot be stopped.  Irrespective of how bloody and monstorously aggressive I became with the knife.  Sorry.  A bad one.  But then there are other gentler affairs too..

Just before the ride and before meeting anyone I had a dream.  Of South Side Mark.  And a bike with a large handlebar bag.  Into which he had ever so carefully placed a black dog.  To keep it warm and comfortable as he took it on the Scotland ride with him.  I see the image of it in my minds eye even now; so powerful at times are my dreams.  And I'm in floods of tears again writing this.  As I was on a number of occasions on the ride when in moments alone... 

Mark almost did not make the journey.  His dog, Finn, a shaggy haired tale of a thing that regularly took Mark out for long walks, only days before the start developed a paralysis of its hind legs.  And so needed close care and attention.  Gill insisted Mark went with us as she and her neighbour Barbara could handle the situation.  And they did.  For sure Mark brought his dog on the ride.  Metaphorically speaking but also in that we spoke of the situation and shared emotions together.  And it was good to find a wobbly Finn still at home when we arrived back at Moffat the day before yesterday for a smashing 'Gravy Bone' tea.   Before I left I went and said goodbye to Finn and thanked him for being so generous in his life to Mark and Gill. 

Thank You Gill, thank you Mark for your kind and generous hospitality to this fat old dog.  The biggest lasagna ever for tea!  YUM!

There may be hard days ahead.  The pain of losing a pet, especially a dog, hurts so much.  Its the single reason right now even though I grew up with dogs that I do not have one.  Irrespective of all the great times you will have together, losing a dog is heart wrenching and is the only reason that stops me from having one today.  But not others...

My sister Gloria had a similar event the other month.  A much loved wire haired Terrier, Wilson, was lost to her and Paul causing huge painful emotions at the time.  'We're not having another dog!' was uttered after the event.  But after a little time, there is now a new puppy in the house.  Another dog that will grow up receiving and giving tons of love.  With the added benefit of the memories of their time with Wilson.  I wish I was so brave.

Life is so short.  There's not a lot of time to do everything we may want to do.  I am 60 this year.  I regret not having children.  I am significantly overweight and I persue what could be seen as a dangerous hobby riding bikes long distances if that fecking mad overtake by that tanker several days ago is anything to go by.  Or the arterial stresses of pushing one sixth of a ton up every hill in the world.  I try to stay alert.  I wear bright clothing.  Use bright flashy lights.  Whether on the bike or not.  And generate fecking gigatons of fantastical memories, some of which find their way into this blog :-)

By the grace of God we're all still here.  

As a teen I used to watch Dave Allen on TV.  A Catholic Athiest.  Perhaps like him I too speak with God in ways not connected through the religions of this world.  Perhaps in my dreams.  Here he is :-)

 

One day I too will suffer that paralysis moment that will make me redundant.  Some folk think I'm already there :-)  

In lieu of a family there perhaps will be a tiny legacy of my time on this planet buried in this blog.  Something that some folk may take kindly to, to help nurture the memories of their 'Uncle Wayne'.   

That fat bloke who used to ride a bike :-)

Ciao for now..