The Carbohydrate Effect

We're staying at the Scottish Youth Hostelling Association den of smells in Aviemore.  Me and South Side are sharing again a basic twin room with just a sink - and 2 beds.  The whole place smells rather nice.  Like a can of Glade air freshner has been emptied or a bottle of light aftershave has been sprinkled everywhere.

It's about 4.30 am and I need a wee wee.  Carefully I turn the knob on the door lock and flip the latch with a loud 'click!' (shhhh!) to make sure that I can get back into the room.  I gently prize the door open doing my best to be as quiet as possible.  It's jammed in the frame.  I grimace as it lets go with a mild *pop* followed by squeaking hinges and the sound of a crashing wave as it strokes its arse over the rough industrial carpet.  Then all of that in reverse as I let the door slowly close behind me.  I find the communal toilets and for a YHA think to myself they're not in a bad condition.  Smell nice too!  Really!  

I do the necessary and tiptoe past the other communal cells back to the room.  The whole fecking open and close the door process follows in reverse as I try to carefully let myself back in to the darkened cave without waking Mark...

BORK!  Feck in 'ell!  The smell of farts and manky cycling gear is so pungent.  It hits me square on at the back of the throat.  Mixed no doubt with the heavy scents of other cycling and walking folk not noticed when we first arrived who'd stayed in the same room over the intervening years.  So heavy I can taste it.   YEUCK!  I swim through the 'airs' back to my bed which after a toughie of a short day through to Aviemore yesterday and a deep hard sleep is still dripping with man sweat.  It's like putting a wet shag pile overcoat back on and yes I guess that's mixed in with the smell too.  UMPFH!!

I settle back into the mess with my emergency close peg on my nose.  My pet wallet moth, who over the previous days had been watching me fritter away millions of pounds on the necessary carbohydrates to keep all of our legs turning, momentarily sticks his head above the lip of my wallet wondering what the commotion is all about.  With wide eyes and puffed out moth cheeks he *borks!*, scuttles back down into his leathery den and re-emerges sometime later wearing a tin hat and gas mask.  With weepy mustard gassed eyes he reads the total at the bottom of the cost tracker.  I'm weepy eyed too but it's got nothing to do with the bottom of the spreadsheet.

South Side stirs, rolls over, takes a long pull on his water bottle - and launches a mortar bomb into the room!  Fer FECK SAKES SOUTH SIDE, it's bad enough in here without topping the fecking place up.  He laughs, draws the airs to the back of his throat, BORKS!, and quickly hides under the covers.  A bad move. 

There's no way I can sleep so I'm away to the communal dining room.  Surprisingly not long after my 5am arrival to write into this blog a bunch of cyclists land and start their breakfast, carbo loading for the hard days cycling ahead.  Here's the boys with their bikes at breakfast...

 

Apparently on a wind powered loop of the Cairngorms with 100 miles to do today so they're out on their bikes before 6am.  Why am I up so early they enquire.  Being polite and not wishing to see their banana mash and porridge breakfast again I make some excuse about being an early riser.  I wish them a safe ride and they're away - into the brilliant morning sunshine. :-)

So that's day 4 done.  From Muir of Ord to Aviemore via Inverness where we finally met up with David the Gentle Giant.  Here he is.  Don't be fooled about his size.  Amazing thing is perspective.  Note that I was using my widest angle lens and he was a long long way away when I took the photo the wrong way through a pair of binoculars from atop of the Empire State Building in New York.  He's a lot bigger than he looks!

I'm still sat in the dining room on faux leather chairs and let out a small growl from the wrong end.  I'm glad I dont have hiccoughs for fear of sounding like a 2 stroke with a misfire.  Scuse me pardon. 

Yesterday was a short but punchy day - approx 45 miles with about 2500 ft of ascent.  B-E-A-UTIFUL!  Here's a bit of video of us riding the day.  Sorry this is low quality cos the internet here is sooooo sloooowww!

Met another rider.  Jeff on his recumbant trike who's ridden all the way around the west coast of Scottieland and across the top and is now on his way back down to home in Warwickshire.  Nice gentle easy going old boy who knows what he likes.  Tried to help fix his broken mirror and help him with his routing atop of the Inverness cable stayed bridge cos for sure a cycle ride following Sustrans route 7 back south would be so much safer that crawling with holiday traffic on the A82 across Rannock Moor from Fort William to Glasgow.  Dangerous on a recumbent methinks.  

Being a bit of a bodger I also repaired the bathroom door lock handle which pulled off in my hand at the Daedalus Guest house in Muir of Ord.  Simply, there's no way I would want anyone ever to get locked in after me and it would be a shame for the lovely place and lady who's husband sadly is being treated for lukemeia to get a one star review on Booking.com for installing a gas chamber in lieu of a bog.

To be able to do this kind of thing it is so necessary to get the carbohydrates in.  You will use (or I will)  4000 calories more than normal every day.  And that's a lot of bread.  I had two main courses for dinner last night.  Spaghetti bolognese followed by that folded pizza thingy.  2 beers, pudding and a ton of water.  

I crawled back to the room and was out like a light.  At approx 10pm. 

I'm just finishing this blog sat adjacent to the only twin 13amp pair of sockets in the whole damn room.  I sound like a motorboat on tickover just as a beautiful young wee slip of a French thing with a blonde pony tail wanders over, says good morning, Monsieur, just before bending down to use the other 13 amp outlet to charge her social media device to my left.  

I firtively glance around the room to see if anyone is watching as I quietly step over her unconscious body - and exit the room....

Ciao for now.