Planning Long Distance Tour Rides

I'm just in the process of thinking about this years rides.  Whether JOGLE or a ride to Vienna.  I guess that COVID will determine what happens this year but need to start looking into options now.  Nonetheless, I did this LEJOG write up a little while back for somebody and on reflection it really gives good guidance and feedback on how to plan and do the LEJOG thing / any long distance tour ride.  SO am adding it to this blog to keep a record of it and to help everyone including me with their tour planning for 2022 and beyond...


Planning LEJOG

It was about January 2018 when I started to plan the ride for May that year. As I support the SUSTRANS charity I decided to see if I could navigate following as many SUSTRANS cycle routes as possible. Madness ensued. SUSTRANS is a good and hopeful charity who attempt plot and mark out cycling and walking friendly rides on anything that will 'just about do' throughout the UK. Some routes are delightful and loaded with cyclists and walkers. Others are figments of a mad route planners mind in that they will take you generally in the right direction but not necessarily in the right order as Mr Morecambe might've said as he grabbed Mr Preview by the crotchets. Please do not try to use them for the whole journey. Nonetheless, SUSTRANS routes in Scotland are the best to get to the top.

I booked all my accommodation in advance but decided to carry camping gear for 'unplanned eventualities'. Mainly B'n'Bs or their equivalent for up to 50 quid per night. Now it is important to book well in advance for the ends of the LEJOG thing as accommodation, especially north of Inverness, is rare and it's unlikely you will find vacancies if you try to book late.

Everything was loaded into an Excel tracker and a printout carried in my bar bag in case of technology problems. All booking was done several weeks in advance so my end of day destinations were all known. Expensive? Yes, perhaps. 50 quid per night for 20 of them with some cheapo camping thrown in, then food and entertainment (beers) on top. So not far off 100 quid per day. I figured this would be a hard journey so at least I had a bed with breakfast and a hot shower every day. Not all at the same time.

The plan was somewhat buggered though when I broke down (my legs, not the bike) in Telford forcing a day off. This buggered up the forward planning which resulted in several hours work 'on line' rebooking stuff which I did whilst sprawled on a bed cos my legs were dead. Many original places no longer had vacancies and the alternatives generally cost a fair bit more. I had to cough up. On one occasion it resulted in a stay in a sh1t hole as it was the only place that cost less than £200 within 50 miles. Well, its all part of the experience I guess? Nah, I could have thrown up whilst eating lasagna and chips in a dog hair and sticky beer carpet room and also slept on top of the bed outside of the sheets for fear of sharing the pit with other blood sucking critters. Next time I'll camp as planned.

Preparation.

Don't be daunted by the thought of having to do loads and loads of practice miles in the saddle beforehand. You will never do enough if you have a job and kids and wife and dog etc.... But you do need to do some to make sure that both you and your bike are good for 40-50 miles per day. I worked on a minimum of 2 - 3 rides out per week of about 30-50 miles each time and then rode myself fit on the ride itself. That worked for me. I remember how my legs sang me to sleep most nights at the start but by the end not a peep from them. Just felt really good and strong. Make sure that you ride hills too during your prep. Don't only stay on the flat stuff as you will discover that the UK is all bloody uphill anyway.

One thing that stops many people from taking on such a journey is the trepidation that if trouble hits, you will be all alone. That's so not true. The world is busting at the seams with good folk contrary to all the knifing and dark alley horror stories on the news. We do not live in Victorian England for God's sake. I've been out on my travels many times on my bike, on the motorbike and in other ways and whenever I got stuck someone was always happy to help.

The Route.

Whether doing LEJOG or JOGLE its as simple as generally aiming in a North Easterly or South Westerly direction and picking a favourite route based on your planned destination for that night or the distance or the ascent. Best laid plans and all that do help but do expect to get lost too even with a Crap Nav. If you notice that you are heading the wrong way (I.e. the sun is over your right shoulder not your left late in the afternoon) do stop and replan a misroute rather than just pressing on. Whilst the Crap Nav will eventually get you to your destination you will not have time for long detours nor late arrivals as happened to me into Taunton, Colchester and when I was 'dead on arrival' in Telford. That just leaves you very tired and hungry at the end of a very long day with the prospect of short broken sleep as your legs continue to spin under the duvet with another long day to follow. Sad face. Try to make the journey scenic by coming off the black stuff. For most of them SUSTRANS canal paths and old railway line routes will not fill you with the feeling of greasing along on brand new tarmac, but are relatively flat and are pleasant enough to rumble along and a scenic way to rack up the miles.

The Hills.

This fantastic country of ours is all bloody up hill. Baby fecking Garrowbys everywhere! That's what it feels like seeing as I come down hills 10x faster than I go up 'em. So 90% of cycling is up! It's left me with a strong feeling in my legs. The sense of pedalling against some huge smooth inertia like trying to turn the Earth. The thrum and scrunch of tyres on varied roads. Of riding low (gear) and very very slow (speed) dropping lungs and other bits on fantastical hill climbs along impossibly narrow roads littered with potholes the size of a toothy giants sweet enraged cavities. And the pain and numbness of it in my soles as though Kathryn's fur ball dad, an ex mortar board and cape wearing masochistic teacher of yore, had stuck my head under the handlebars and caned the bottom of my feet ! Go low and slow old man. Everything has an end point. Every uphill has a downhill to look forward to.

You'll never avoid hills in this great country of ours but you may be able to reduce them. For example my planned destinations in Devon and Cornwall were all on the coast. At sea level. Duh! You ride up hills in the morning then down them late afternoon to get to your destination and then all the fecking way back up them the next day... Yup, I'm an idiot for deciding not to stay in the hills. Avoid crossing rivers when in the hills. They're all at the bottom of steep sided valleys. Also beware map colour coding where whites, greens and browns just indicate different heights. The white bits do not mean no hills. It means you are probably at the very bottom of a large hill and so likely to have a sharp climb ahead!

The Weather

The wind was my constant dancing partner. From light gentle finger tip caresses to howling icy jet blasts. Why do you think this country is littered with wind farms? Strikingly bright white Martian tripod invaders like huge aero engines that are powering the rotation of the planet itself. Feelings of the Sun and cool rain on my back, overwhelmingly intermingled with the fantastic feeling, as one crests the rise of a hill, of the cool sweet breath of fresh air as though it's been momentarily dipped in ice water and fizzles the harsh sweat from my back. And it's tickled my bits on the fast downhill descents into every valley bottom. I love the wind.

Roads.

It's also useful to remember that A roads tend to run along valleys so are less likely to be as steep as the back roads which climb with ropes and shackles up the side of Baby Garrowbys and whose only use historically was to give Farmer Palmer access to his remotest field and provide the most direct route for his daughter to connect with other banjo players to prevent inbreeding. Don't be afraid to use A roads but do assess them for traffic beforehand. They're very busy around the midlands where white van drivers will do their best to leave long paint scrapes along your right pannier / shoulder. Avoid dual carriageways like the plague! I'll never ride on the A442 (Kidderminster area) nor the A66 (Penrith) ever again.

Clothing.

How much should you take? I had a fully loaded bike and a good bit of that was taken up with clothing. In fact too much of it. Even after paring it down with a sharp knife before I set off I still carried too much. Panniers that were fit to burst at the start should've told me. No you're not going for a 3 week beach holiday in Spain so cut all the paraphernalia out. 2 pairs of shorts, 3 t-shirts, some shreddies and socks and one lightweight fleece is gonna be enough. A fully waterproof jacket should be packed but forget waterproof trousers. I tried them but found that they just trapped in the moisture. My legs resembled a boil in the bag chicken dinner at the end of the day. You'll get to understand that being wet with rain is not a lot different to being wet with sweat except rain is a bit more refreshing. Be prepared to wash sweaty clothing every day. I found that shower gel / soap is good enough to wash clothing to get the sweat out which reduced the need to carry detergents / softeners etc... And then dry them overnight. Some places were fantastic in that they offered to wash and tumble dry stuff for me ready for the next day especially the bigger camp sites with on site laundry facilities. About £4 for a wash and £4 for a tumble dry. Brilliant!

You soon find that most things have double uses. In fact I'm gonna bin most of my MAMIL clothing as it just doubles up on the shorts and shirts thing. Spend your evenings wearing clean clothing and riding in it the next day.

Bikes.

Just about any well maintained bike with plenty of gears will do. There are many go low and slow moments and even though there are some rough sections a normal 14 / 21 speed bike, whether a bespoke tourer or hybrid, will handle it. In fact the other year whilst riding in Germany we passed a Swiss gent touring on a big wheel unicycle carrying his stuff in a back pack! You will need a rack with panniers and front ones too if you're planning to camp. Have good lights and keep them on during the day. I have a Catseye rear LED light. A bloody bright flashy one. Best thing ever at catching the eye of drivers and slowing most down. Carry a couple of spare inner tubes, a puncture repair kit, tyre levers and a few basic tools including a good pump. Make sure it all works before you set off. I (well, the bike) was puncture free this time but experience tells me that punctures do happen when you are remote and least expect them. All else, well get yer bike serviced at a good cycle shop and for about 50 quid plus parts you'll be good to go.

Food.

I had set myself a challenge on the LEJOG thing not to lose any weight. As best as I tried to stuff my face with all that was bad and calorific and tasty just to keep Audrey II (my stomach) happy, I lost approx 4kgs in weight over the 3 and a bit riding weeks. Every day I had a very good breakfast of cereals and toast and eggs and beans and the occasional rasher of bacon followed by 3-4 fruit and cereal bars during the ride, always something calorific for lunch, topped by at least a 2 course carbohydrate rich evening meal AND a ham and cheese sandwich at bedtime washed down with an electrolytic bok-bok (which I think really helped me avoid the cramps). However, the weight still came off. I should not have been surprised though and secretly I was hoping for it. Whilst I have the capacity to eat copious amounts of food the fact that I was burning on average 4000 kcal over and above the norm (so likely at least 6000 to 7000 kcal every day) then it is just purely impossible not to lose any weight. Anyone sticking to a more 'normal' diet would lose shedloads, and I mean from a really big shed. My problem is because I get used to eating volumes of stuff when tour cycling, mostly good stuff but way too much, it has always been difficult to take my foot off the throttle when done.  Like a bear preparing for hibernation. I've now learnt to take my foot off the gas but thats not normally quick enough.  The result is that any weight lost on the ride is normally put back on.  I look at it this way.  I enjoy riding my bike and I enjoy eating.  Both are mutually compatible in that doing lots of the former means I can do lots of the latter!  Great!

Fitness.

My body was screaming at me most days, from anywhere and everywhere. I write in this blog based on their experiences of the ride and of me. I'm not such a bad father but for sure I was a bad 'un at the start. It took time and a willingness to listen and to change that settled the twins (knees) and helped Brooks (saddle) and Hairy Melon (arse) to dance. And of course poor Audrey II (stomach) and my disrespect and continued abuse of her as I have done for the best part of half a century. And for not being able to help poor old Balloon Dog (I'll let you guess that one!) who has been somewhat numb for the last 3 weeks. Take care of yourself. LEJOG should never be undertaken frivolously. Learn about and respect yourself.

Consider the amount of cycling that you normally do. Novice riders can easily do 40 miles per day with a bit of practice. More cycling (like me) will take you comfortably up to 60 per day. I tried to do more miles (3 days of 90 miles back to back) but my legs ran full pelt into a brick wall in Telford. That night in my delirious state I started to confuse LEJOG with Moby Dick (which is also a good name for a problem you will suffer with after 3 weeks in the saddle). If you are a club rider then you're probably a racing snake so an elite class Black Mamba and a 2 week jaunt or less would be possible.

As I said before it took me a week's riding to find my groove. That's 50 to 60 miles per day on a fully loaded bike with one day off per week (it's a welcome rest day but also an opportunity to put the now snivelling bag of dog slight through the washing machine and to have a shave). That's about right for this particular fat man. If anyone, anyone ever tells you, and they are built like me (6ft and 19.5 stone) and in their mid to late 50's, that they will do the LEJOG thing in less than 2 weeks tell them Wayne says NO! Everyone will feel sore and tired at the end of it. But the endorphins and levels of satisfaction are off the chart.

Technology.

For all it tried to break me, somehow both me and the GARMIN Crap Nav made it to the end. Together. Unbroken. Reluctant friends. With great profanities I regularly swore at the damn machine especially when it took me on unnecessary monstrous hill climbs and long detours. Occasionally it gave me something good which I would have missed if I had not followed its lead. A hard ride to the top of the wrong hill south of Bristol resulted me in getting a fantastic view of the south coast of Wales across the Severn estuary on a clear sunny day. But it also regularly tried to route me onto dangerous roads such as the busy A9 dual carriageway near Pitlochry! Whilst at times I hated my GARMIN Crap Nav, the squirrelly fecker that it is, for giving me too many 'non cycling friendly' routing options at least I knew that I could give it a destination and it would eventually get me there. So reluctantly I say thank you Crap Nav. Still Mr GARMIN, you need to sort your CYCLING Crap Navs which have a damn lack of cafe's, cycle shops and camp sites in your POI lists and have no knowledge of cycle friendly (e.g. SUSTRANS) routes. Why not?

Charity

It's not a must do but it was so worth it to spend a little time and effort begging people to make charitable donations. After all some reward for a charity or two (such as CRUK and the RNLI this time) for a job well done surely was an objective of this? I kept it simple by using Just Giving pages and to avoid any problem when travelling I printed out 30 to 40 paper slips with the url's for this blog and for the Just Giving pages to give to people on route. Which I did. Not only to let people share the journey with me (and as a result some of whom also made donations, yay!) but to also avoid the problem of people giving me cash in hand. Simply I said I could not accept cash, thanked them and handed over a paper slip which worked a treat. Forget carrying collection boxes with you. The law in this country means you would need to write to every council on route to apply for a permit to collect cash donations as you pass through their jurisdiction. Stick with the paper slips - dish them out like confetti. It worked well.

That about sums it up. So many great memories. So many people that helped with their hospitality, kindness and so many with charitable donations, generosity and support. Thank You again.

If you are thinking about doing LEJOG one day then remember this. LEJOG is a one off, probably expensive unless you are camping all the way and challenging holiday. Yes it's a holiday. Not a race to an end.  So take your time and make sure you enjoy it.