One wheel on my wagon, and I'm not rolling along.

Winter has arrived and it's kinda depressing.  

In that size 12 way as might be experienced by an intrepid exploratory ant in a pedestrian zone.  Or in that exasperated oh-no! here we go 'I can't breathe!' way as experienced by a girlfriend after tickling the naughty bits of an over excited cabbage chomping hippo.  Perhaps.  Or in that pummelled flat sea state way as seen under a heavy squall.  Yeah we're all quite flat today.

The 80 year old Howardian Pillock is also flat on his back.  Yes, he faked his n'th demise again yesterday.  Well, he was doing his best to firstly frog me off and then smash his bed with his inglorious and well over the top camp as feck Julius Caesar 'I'm dying' scene from Carry on Cleo.  'Infamy! Infamy! They've all got it in for me!' he cried as he swan dived off the top of his headboard with the back of his wrist limply pressed against his feeble temple.  

His bed felt him launch, looked up and metaphorically screamed like a pedestrian who's about to be run over by a steam roller.  There he was, a limp spectacle of a lipid Sperm Whale bellyflopping onto his mattress.  

With a twang of uncoiling springs and a clattering of bells he fell to earth and into his wrecked mattress with a 'whump!'.  It sounded as though the Notre Dame cathedral had dropped the contents of her knickers down a spiral staircase with a whimpering "I feel ill mummy" 9 year old somewhere in the mix.  The bed re-coiled and oscillated for several moments.   As soon as the motion sickness had abated he proceeded to moan and point a lot at his poorly belly and numbish leg.  

Yeah, yer leg, it's come out in sympathy with yer numb head you pirrock.  No I'm not driving over to Pickering to hold yer limp wrist and look into yer soulful eyes and say 'there there, don't worry you'll soon be better you poor thing'.  No.  Yer not dying and cos you're making such a commotion I know you're definitely not dead yet.  But you will be if I have to drive over to sort you out again. 

No, I'm unhappy cos I cannot go for a ride on any of my bikes.  It's also seasonally affected disorder (SAD) time of year stuff.  I cannot use my Koga which currently has it's back end in at the German Rohloff sausage factory nor either one of my motorbikes, both of which have been off the road during this covid madness.  Also it's no fun riding a motorbike in the cold wet stuff unless you have brass knackers.  Yeah, I'm restricted to the boring magnetic trainer contraption I've whapped together which I use every couple of days or so...  

Simply I do like riding things with two wheels.  There's a certain sensation that cannot be gotten when driving a car, especially in the bends.  The best bit I find is the fast cornering.  Nice fast sweeps in smooth as silk bends on excellent road surfaces on nice sunny days.  There's nothing quite like it.  

In the last few days I've been replaying some of my older poo tube videos of me on my motorbike in the south of France and earlier, of me riding around New Zealand on my 50th birthday.  Where the hell did those 8 years go?  To share, here they are.  

Firstly the ride on my BMW K1200S with friends around the Spanish and French Pyrenees about 7 years ago..

Here's another one of me solo riding on a hired Yahama Super Tenere 1200 around New Zealand's North Island in 2012..

It's great to re-watch such video's.  And with some good music too.  

So there I am, atop my magnetic trainer with a video of one of my motorcycle rides playing on the large monitor screen in front of me.  It feels like I'm cycling along at a thousand MPH!  Head down towards the handlebars transfixed on the high speed road ahead.  I'm spinning my legs as fast as I can.  Rasping for air.  Heart rate at 140.  Wowee!  All of a sudden the motorbike video leans over sharp to the right and takes a lovely high speed corner at a million MPH.  I promptly throw myself off the magnetic trainer to the left.  Bugger it!  I failed to make it around the bend this time.  Riding a magnetic trainer can be bloody dangerous!

Anyway such video's are fantastic memory jerkers and reminders of the great places visited.  It's one of the reasons why I want to go back to New Zealand.  It's also why I've had the mad idea to cycle 2500 miles around both North and South Islands on my 60th, God willing.   Simply it's a beautiful place with beautiful people.  

Additionally during these dark depressing times I've been re-cutting my Lands End to John O Groats (LEJOG) video's from late spring 2018.  Again fantastic to re-watch.  Here's my favourite section going north from Inverness into the wilderness.  Well it's as wild as any place in the UK 'cept for Warrington on a Friday night.  

If you want to watch more / all of them from Lands end all the way up then just follow this link.

For me they are all great memory joggers with top tunes playing in the background.  For you it's probably put to sleep material with top tunes playing in the background.  Nonetheless, there are some smashing bits to watch which do give you, if you ever thought doing the LEJOG thing, some idea of what the journey is all about.  Great in the South West which was the hardest riding of all.  Crap in the Midlands and North West, so avoid if you can.  Then a sparkly champagne topped finish in Scotland!   

If it's got wheels, preferably two, then I'm happy to ride it. 

So watch out girls!  If we ever meet don't forget to leave yer roller skates at home.  'n I hope you like cabbage ;-)

Ciao :-)