Budgie Smuggling
It's February in a 'it feels like it's early in May' kinda way.
The temperature and weather just now is brilliant! Way too mild for this time of year. As the forecasters regularly remind us, this time last year it was the 'Beast from the East' with minus lots of farengrades throughout the UK. Do you remember my mad ride up to the top of Garrowby hill surrounded by deep snow? That was in mid March last year! The difference this time is that a high pressure system has parked itself to the south east so we have lovely warm air coming up from the Equator. Last year the high was to the north east so drawing in polar winds from Siberia! Thank you Mr Jet Stream for a lovely FebrUary (1).
I'm not gonna complain too much about this global warming climate change malarkey right now but it may be a foretaste of winters to come. Perhaps nice for little old me and you but not good for wildlife and other parts of this planet which is either freezing or frying to death. I'm trying my damn best not to make matters worse so I'll avoid buying a car and will stay on my bike. I will get the house properly insulated when the extension work (which is now approved by the city council - yay!) is done and look to get a 4kw PV system installed at the same time. Perhaps too late, but must try...
Anyway, all this warmth reminds me of the days as a child in the old family home where both mum and dad amassed a small menagerie of pets to keep us kids amused. A dog or two (always). A tortoise (Sid) and perhaps a couple of bunnies in garden cages being fed on, amongst other things, tea leaves and dandelion shoots. Yeuuuck! Also of a pair of budgies in the living room in a cage.
Well, they flew back into my bird brain the other day.
With this great weather I'm out on the bike 2-3 times per week doing 30-40 miles each ride. That's about right for this years preparation at this time. However, Brooks was looking rather forlorn and broken after having Hairy Melon pressed into his facial features for the best part of last year. His face resembles well stretched cowhide and he has started to grow a new nostril right by the rivet on his nose. I think he's done for. Can't imagine him surviving another murderous ride. I am not masochistic so I have retired him from the bike which has forever broken his non-marriage to Hairy Melon. Boo! Hisss! Fred's a Stair and Minger Podgers are no more.
Nonetheless I've introduced the fat lass to Brooks' younger nephew - Bee Sixty-seven (2). He's young with slicked back black hair and wide shoulders uplifted at the rear on a pair of shiny suspension springs. I reckon he's up for it. He's been formally introduced to Hairy Melon and so far they do seem to be getting along together. He's nowhere near as lecherous as his uncle Brooks and has not taken to licking her bits yet but hey, he's young and it's early days in this particular relationship ...
Anyway there I was tootling along having occasional discussions with Ma Boy on this years plans. He has since grown into an obstinate teen, not as sharp and picky as he was as a child but by God he now moans a lot.
There's a new sound on the ride. What on earth? Sounds like I've gone back in time and am stood with my face pressed into mum's old budgie cage (stoppit now - that is a bad thought you're having!) listening to a pair of iridescent birds merrily chatting face to face. Similar in sound to Balloon dog's antics last year with his squeaky toy in a hedgerow routine but much more affable this time. Trill little chirps, squeaks and whistles from between my thighs. I'm sure its not Hairy Melon as she's currently got her gaping gob wrapped around the rather innocent (and shocked) Bee. It sounds as if someone has smuggled a couple of mum's budgies onto the bike just adjacent to Bee's shiny springs. Aw God! Bee's got a budgie smuggling problem...
I've not been a budgie smuggler since my significantly slimmer teens when as a young man I'd wear rather tight speedo's at the pool and the beach. I'd mince up to sun kissed women, thrust my hips forward and say in a rather high pitched squeaky voice, 'Elo my name is Wayne... do you like puppies?'.
Nowadays I prefer low slung hammocks and other slack slings that are good for carrying rather deflated Balloon Dogs and suffocated budgies.
Anyway there you go. Bee has a budgie or two under his bonnet. Neva mind. I'll feed his birds some castor oil to see if I can quiet them down...
(1) FebrUary - note the emphasis on the U. So how do you say it. Febrary? Too many lazy Hairy Melons on TV drop the U nowadays. It's as bad as the Americans dropping the I in Aluminium...
(2) Bee SixtySeven - its another Brooks (B67) saddle designed for more sit up and beg type bikes. After Hairy Melon destroyed my B17 I figured I needed a wider seat with some suspension to help her and me to survive this year's rides. So far so good...
The temperature and weather just now is brilliant! Way too mild for this time of year. As the forecasters regularly remind us, this time last year it was the 'Beast from the East' with minus lots of farengrades throughout the UK. Do you remember my mad ride up to the top of Garrowby hill surrounded by deep snow? That was in mid March last year! The difference this time is that a high pressure system has parked itself to the south east so we have lovely warm air coming up from the Equator. Last year the high was to the north east so drawing in polar winds from Siberia! Thank you Mr Jet Stream for a lovely FebrUary (1).
I'm not gonna complain too much about this global warming climate change malarkey right now but it may be a foretaste of winters to come. Perhaps nice for little old me and you but not good for wildlife and other parts of this planet which is either freezing or frying to death. I'm trying my damn best not to make matters worse so I'll avoid buying a car and will stay on my bike. I will get the house properly insulated when the extension work (which is now approved by the city council - yay!) is done and look to get a 4kw PV system installed at the same time. Perhaps too late, but must try...
Anyway, all this warmth reminds me of the days as a child in the old family home where both mum and dad amassed a small menagerie of pets to keep us kids amused. A dog or two (always). A tortoise (Sid) and perhaps a couple of bunnies in garden cages being fed on, amongst other things, tea leaves and dandelion shoots. Yeuuuck! Also of a pair of budgies in the living room in a cage.
Well, they flew back into my bird brain the other day.
With this great weather I'm out on the bike 2-3 times per week doing 30-40 miles each ride. That's about right for this years preparation at this time. However, Brooks was looking rather forlorn and broken after having Hairy Melon pressed into his facial features for the best part of last year. His face resembles well stretched cowhide and he has started to grow a new nostril right by the rivet on his nose. I think he's done for. Can't imagine him surviving another murderous ride. I am not masochistic so I have retired him from the bike which has forever broken his non-marriage to Hairy Melon. Boo! Hisss! Fred's a Stair and Minger Podgers are no more.
Nonetheless I've introduced the fat lass to Brooks' younger nephew - Bee Sixty-seven (2). He's young with slicked back black hair and wide shoulders uplifted at the rear on a pair of shiny suspension springs. I reckon he's up for it. He's been formally introduced to Hairy Melon and so far they do seem to be getting along together. He's nowhere near as lecherous as his uncle Brooks and has not taken to licking her bits yet but hey, he's young and it's early days in this particular relationship ...
Anyway there I was tootling along having occasional discussions with Ma Boy on this years plans. He has since grown into an obstinate teen, not as sharp and picky as he was as a child but by God he now moans a lot.
There's a new sound on the ride. What on earth? Sounds like I've gone back in time and am stood with my face pressed into mum's old budgie cage (stoppit now - that is a bad thought you're having!) listening to a pair of iridescent birds merrily chatting face to face. Similar in sound to Balloon dog's antics last year with his squeaky toy in a hedgerow routine but much more affable this time. Trill little chirps, squeaks and whistles from between my thighs. I'm sure its not Hairy Melon as she's currently got her gaping gob wrapped around the rather innocent (and shocked) Bee. It sounds as if someone has smuggled a couple of mum's budgies onto the bike just adjacent to Bee's shiny springs. Aw God! Bee's got a budgie smuggling problem...
I've not been a budgie smuggler since my significantly slimmer teens when as a young man I'd wear rather tight speedo's at the pool and the beach. I'd mince up to sun kissed women, thrust my hips forward and say in a rather high pitched squeaky voice, 'Elo my name is Wayne... do you like puppies?'.
Nowadays I prefer low slung hammocks and other slack slings that are good for carrying rather deflated Balloon Dogs and suffocated budgies.
Anyway there you go. Bee has a budgie or two under his bonnet. Neva mind. I'll feed his birds some castor oil to see if I can quiet them down...
(1) FebrUary - note the emphasis on the U. So how do you say it. Febrary? Too many lazy Hairy Melons on TV drop the U nowadays. It's as bad as the Americans dropping the I in Aluminium...
(2) Bee SixtySeven - its another Brooks (B67) saddle designed for more sit up and beg type bikes. After Hairy Melon destroyed my B17 I figured I needed a wider seat with some suspension to help her and me to survive this year's rides. So far so good...
Comments
Post a Comment
I would be very interested in reading your thoughts about my blog entries. Please feel free to comment. But do leave your name so I know who I’m replying to 😊