LEJOG - I'm gonna teach you a lesson!
Brooks. I fought him today.
Enough was enough. Even after giving Hairy Melon a new Sudocrem flavoured lipstick the fecker was still letchery and leathery, forcing himself into her gentle bits. Right!. I'm gonna teach HIM a lesson.
I took a spanner to his nuts and twisted them. Hard. 'Aaarrrgghh!' he groans with taut leathery lips. I pulled him off the bike and whilst rolling on the ground in the dust I spannered his preload. 'Ooohhhh!' he yelps. I tightened his preload even more. 'Stoppit stoppit, I give in!' That it. He's done for. He's giving up.
30 minutes later he'd snuggled back up to Hairy Melon and again started to suck and lick her sore bits and click his gnarly fingers. The fekker! I hate him...
It just does not work. Fighting with those you love and those you need gets you nowhere.
I was a bad father to the twins. They've been much better of late. And thats because I have changed. I no longer thrash them within an inch of their lives. I know that does not work. I'm gentler. Kinder. No longer sliding the ibuprofen flavoured pizzas under their doors. They now leave their rooms and join me for dinner. I tell them whats happening tomorrow and encourage them to join in. And they're much better children now. They tell me if the are becoming sore and I compensate. And apply soothing rubs and soft creams when they hurt. I care for them. I'm a better daddy...
I need to find a way with Brooks though, other than chopping his erect seat post off and lobbing him in to the river Tay. For I need him.
Yesterday was a ride through the Trossachs National Park. The wow! moments became the norm. Beautiful mountain vistas with most riding done on old deserted inclined railway lines. Rocks smothered in blankets of yellow lichens like fresh lain snow. Atokirina wood spirits float everywhere in the cool fresh air. Sustrans routes make much more sense up here. Everyone should ride route 7 between Callander via Killin to Aberfeldy. A few photos here...
I've been taught many lessons over the last 3 weeks doing LEJOG. Here's some of what I've learnt so far. (I'll write more later)..
Thinking of doing Lands End to John O Groats (LEJOG) means that the start and end points are known. Thats all. How you link them is all about the journey you want to take. Some of the guy's I met at the start were aiming to complete in 2 weeks or less so that's long fast days in the saddle on the shortest route possible perhaps. They're fully fledged racing snakes and not mere mortals like you and me. Don't let yourself get drawn into the 'hey I can do that too' mindset like I did for the midlands bit cos by day 5, probably sooner, you will have cycled into a huge concrete and steel wall smashed to bits smothered in sticky molasses and you'll be in one helluva mess rueing the day you ever thought LEJOG was a 'jolly good idea'.
Think about places you want to go for riding day to day should be fun not just a horrible heads down and arse up routemarch. For me it included Padstow, cos Kathryn always wanted to go there (do avoid it - over rated expensive camel river trash with a horrendous car parking problem), Iron Bridge (to look at the worlds largest expanse of shrink wrapped bubble wrap), and to meet friends in Preston (well Royston Vasey actually), Kirkby Stephen (meet the Biker Babes), Ruckcroft (to be Japanned), Moffat (my Blues Brother) and Milngavie (to meet a Gentle Giant).
It will help you to plan your perfect route. This is today's paralleling the A9 north towards Inverness.
I'm on the bed with a small usb powered fan blowing cool air up my Trossachs gently wafting Hairy Melon. She's feeling quite faint at the thought of 60 miles with Brooks today. So must be time to get back on my 5 bar gate. And with a herd of camels. Yeah I have a dromedary or 4 of the buggers. Water bottles that take great delight at spitting and throwing efervescent electrolytic phlegm at me every time I twist their necks.
Pfsssttt!!! Gaaaaa! I'm wet again...
Enough was enough. Even after giving Hairy Melon a new Sudocrem flavoured lipstick the fecker was still letchery and leathery, forcing himself into her gentle bits. Right!. I'm gonna teach HIM a lesson.
I took a spanner to his nuts and twisted them. Hard. 'Aaarrrgghh!' he groans with taut leathery lips. I pulled him off the bike and whilst rolling on the ground in the dust I spannered his preload. 'Ooohhhh!' he yelps. I tightened his preload even more. 'Stoppit stoppit, I give in!' That it. He's done for. He's giving up.
30 minutes later he'd snuggled back up to Hairy Melon and again started to suck and lick her sore bits and click his gnarly fingers. The fekker! I hate him...
It just does not work. Fighting with those you love and those you need gets you nowhere.
I was a bad father to the twins. They've been much better of late. And thats because I have changed. I no longer thrash them within an inch of their lives. I know that does not work. I'm gentler. Kinder. No longer sliding the ibuprofen flavoured pizzas under their doors. They now leave their rooms and join me for dinner. I tell them whats happening tomorrow and encourage them to join in. And they're much better children now. They tell me if the are becoming sore and I compensate. And apply soothing rubs and soft creams when they hurt. I care for them. I'm a better daddy...
I need to find a way with Brooks though, other than chopping his erect seat post off and lobbing him in to the river Tay. For I need him.
Yesterday was a ride through the Trossachs National Park. The wow! moments became the norm. Beautiful mountain vistas with most riding done on old deserted inclined railway lines. Rocks smothered in blankets of yellow lichens like fresh lain snow. Atokirina wood spirits float everywhere in the cool fresh air. Sustrans routes make much more sense up here. Everyone should ride route 7 between Callander via Killin to Aberfeldy. A few photos here...
I've been taught many lessons over the last 3 weeks doing LEJOG. Here's some of what I've learnt so far. (I'll write more later)..
Thinking of doing Lands End to John O Groats (LEJOG) means that the start and end points are known. Thats all. How you link them is all about the journey you want to take. Some of the guy's I met at the start were aiming to complete in 2 weeks or less so that's long fast days in the saddle on the shortest route possible perhaps. They're fully fledged racing snakes and not mere mortals like you and me. Don't let yourself get drawn into the 'hey I can do that too' mindset like I did for the midlands bit cos by day 5, probably sooner, you will have cycled into a huge concrete and steel wall smashed to bits smothered in sticky molasses and you'll be in one helluva mess rueing the day you ever thought LEJOG was a 'jolly good idea'.
Think about places you want to go for riding day to day should be fun not just a horrible heads down and arse up routemarch. For me it included Padstow, cos Kathryn always wanted to go there (do avoid it - over rated expensive camel river trash with a horrendous car parking problem), Iron Bridge (to look at the worlds largest expanse of shrink wrapped bubble wrap), and to meet friends in Preston (well Royston Vasey actually), Kirkby Stephen (meet the Biker Babes), Ruckcroft (to be Japanned), Moffat (my Blues Brother) and Milngavie (to meet a Gentle Giant).
It will help you to plan your perfect route. This is today's paralleling the A9 north towards Inverness.
I'm on the bed with a small usb powered fan blowing cool air up my Trossachs gently wafting Hairy Melon. She's feeling quite faint at the thought of 60 miles with Brooks today. So must be time to get back on my 5 bar gate. And with a herd of camels. Yeah I have a dromedary or 4 of the buggers. Water bottles that take great delight at spitting and throwing efervescent electrolytic phlegm at me every time I twist their necks.
Pfsssttt!!! Gaaaaa! I'm wet again...
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