LEJOG - AARGHH NO! I'M DONE FOR! I'VE FAILED!

Oh hell.  It had to happen.

I'm so so sorry.  All the practice and the effort over the last 4 months has now gone to the dogs.  I've tried really really hard.  It's just not easy you see.  All the hills and mountains and all of the uphill grinding has finally taken its toll.  I even did the cycling in Majorca bit beforehand to get the practice in with my mate John.  I just don't know what to do now.  All of the sponsorship and this is the end result.  I'm gutted.  Well thats how it feels.  I want to cry.  Bum.  I think I've lost some weight :-(

I've tried my best.  It's been my biggest challenge ever not to lose weight on this mad dash oop north.  I've eaten so many cooked breakfasts and pies I now look like one (or the other).  Yes I was a good boy when Kathryn was around eating beans on brown toast and poached eggs but that alone surely can't explain it.  I've eaten a very large pile of cheese and ham sandwiches every day flushed down with copious bottles of Diet Coke.

Perhaps that's it - I've been drinking Diet Coke!  Oh woe is me.! Damn you the Coca Cola company!  For sure Audrey II has been taking bites out of the lining of her padded cell during my forgetful moments and my ignoring of her regular 'ding ding' calls on the dinner bell.

Ok so as Paul Daniels may have said per the second half of his punch line '...not a lot'.  My clothes are feeling a little less 'spray on' compared to day 1.  Belts in the same holes are a little slacker than they used to be.  I'm forever pulling my cycling shorts up and at this rate, the day will come where I step off the bike at John O' Groats and with a 'ta daaaaa!', my hands would go up and my shorts would fall down.  Bum.  And other bits on show too.

I arrived in Bonar Bridge today.  What a spectacular day.  Rather than taking the long way round I took in some hill climbs from @ sea level up to 800 or so feet or so above it as recommended by Peter, my first ride along LEJOG partner on Bodmin Moor (he's a show off, don't like him any more - he completed LEJOG on the 31st May :-).  This took me to various view points on the B9176 Struie Road.  

Here's some pictures from a glorious day...

See, see I've still got my podge!  I don't have to throw out my wok shaped ironing board.  Not yet, not yet.

But legs / arms / shoulders, well in fact all other bits are feeling fit and strong.  Cept my bits which are still numb.  I cannot feel 'em.  Having a pee at the roadside is like handling a rather small hosepipe whilst wearing rather large boxing gloves.  You're gonna get wet, Wayne..

Well all body bits bloody should be that way after this fecking mad SAS boot camp LEJOG event for the fat and elderly.  Stress positions - hah, I can do them easy now.  I've been stressed on the bike for 8hrs plus every day.  My back is so taut you could use me as a longbow and with a bit of string betwixt teeth and big toe, use me to launch pointy racing snakes into the nearest loch, Robin of Sherwood Forest style.

My mate John is forever doing callisthenics when out on a bike.  Touching toes and stretching thigh muscles and always asked why I did not do similar.  Easy.  I've got a podge.  Every time I tie my shoe laces my back and hamstrings get a jolly good stretching.  Sat down crossing legs to put socks on?  There goes a right good stretch of my Gluteus Maximus, er Maximusus, er Maximii, er, both of them.

OK so if you wanna do LEJOG stuff your body and bits are gonna get stronger but also sore.  My knees and my arse for sure, as you know, speak to me every day.  However, irrespective of the route you decide to take all problems will not be sorted by missing a couple of big hills for this country is all uphill anyway.   So do carry plenty of bum creams and painkiller rubs for use at the end of the day and before the next days ride.  Persevere though - you will ride yourself fit.

Regarding nutrition.  New tri.. what?  Eat well but don't do like me and stuff all the wrong stuff down your inbound pipeline late at night.  The accidental carpet bombing of Audrey II late one evening in Telford with battered sausages and fish and chips and a kebab totally screwed my guts up, urp!

For example choose cereals AND poached eggs on toast for brekkie.  Supplement meals with carbohydrate snacks.  I've eaten plenty of granola bars / flapjack.  So much so I never want to see another one.  EVER AGAIN.  You will burn @ 3-4000 kcal more than normal each day so fuel up for it.

Drink LOTS.  You will sweat LOTS.  I'm doing at least 6 pints (water not alcoholic beverages) each day then evening drinks and brekkie wet stuff on top.  It's well over a gallon per day.   And because you're permanently wet with sweat, any passing rain is just a relief, a different kind of wetness so don't worry too much about the rain...

Tomorrow is the 55 miles or so up the A836 single track road (yep a single track A road) and then right on the B873 along the banks of loch Naver to Bettyhill at which point I will then turn right again before I run into Iceland.   That's as high up on the mainland as anyone can go before you need to get your ferries out.

It's brown toast, poached eggs and porridge for brekkie tomorrow.  Audrey II is so not looking forward to it...